Because... before, I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to find a way to stop it— or her. [ Calling Mistress Nine an it makes it easier to dissociate, though.

Hotaru stares straight into the fire, but her eyes aren't focused. She's used to examining all her failings, but admitting them like this to someone she likes brings out the weakness in her. To her credit, her voice doesn't waver. ] I thought it was my fault that everything bad around me happened, and in some ways, it was. I wasn't trying too hard to look for a solution. I was just... being miserable with my situation.

That doesn't—didn't help anyone, including me.