DECEMBER 2ND, birthday armageddon action mingle

[parodeity]

So, anyone in the entertainment room area come December 2nd will be subjected to a ridiculous clash of colors and decorations. While the only advertisement was word-of-mouth, it's a six-way birthday party although none of the guests of honor seem to care if people actually celebrate their birthdays; it's possible to just come by for cake and/or random hangouts. The room seems to be divvied up into six pie slices with decorations, with a table in the middle with six cakes. The slices are kind of variable but easy enough to match up to their respective "owner": Jade's is neon green paired with white decoration-wise and seems to mostly be dog themed, although there's also more glitter in her slice than anywhere else; Jake's is less neon green paired with black and the collective Dave-and-Rose decoration committee apparently decided skulls was as good a theme as anything; Dave's is red and black and records although also just really dumb sbahj drawings which tbh have infected the other slices aside from Rose's; Dirk's is orange-and-white and robots; Rose's is purple-and-black and wizards and octopi; Roxy's is pink-and-white and cats and wizards. None of the decorations really seem intended to mesh with any other slices' decorations at all?

The cakes are equally mismatched, although some of them work together. Jade got a Bec-head shaped cake; Jake got another...skull...THEY TRIED, OKAY JAKE; Dave elected himself for hella jeff; Dirk got assigned sweet bro because Rose couldn't convince Dave to Not; Rose herself got a very disturbing octopus tentacle thing, what the fuck Rose; and Roxy got a cat.

There are like six pinatas in various colors and some party games and a movie marathon that seems to have literally no theme beyond being chosen by Dave and Rose and therefore the theme might actually be "what movie will annoy my sibling most" back and forth. So there's. Just a super variety of stuff there. And there's music which Dave seems to have been in control of, although most of it is lowkey so that's nice???

Sorry if you wanted to do something in this room related to not this hot mess today, BUT AT LEAST THEY'RE NOT DOING SIX SEPARATE PARTIES??? Also there are party hats in the colors of each slice (with a dumb paper crown in slice colors for each birthday kid) so pick your poison. There's a generic and very messy "HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY" banner so apparently it's just. 6 17s? Nice.

Comments

[parodeity]

[ dave of course shows up to the party he helped slap together and also. his own birthday party??? even though he technically isn't having his birthday until tomorrow (in terms of everyone else's linear chronology). he shows up with a christmas sweater (though bright red with a more gear-like clock) over jeans, which is probably rose's work. so far he's only worn 2 sweater-and-jeans combos this month. there is still a month of these to come?

for the most part he'll hang out in his own slice or near the music playing system, birthday crown firmly in place. however he can also be found invading rose's slice and commentating on her movie picks? because he's terrible???

so it's easy to catch him 1) changing the music 2) commentating on the movies 3) pinata-ing 4) eating cake actually because why not 5) APPLE SODA!!! or apple juice. he'll greet anyone with a nod or "sup" or potentially an off-topic ramble and i can write personal starters if you don't feel like wild carding it up vague hand gestures. IF YOU WANT SOMETHING SUPER SPECIFIC INSTEAD OF JUST MAKING YOUR OWN, dave will also be vaguely handing out his own party hats though he doesn't seem to Care what people pick. however he may make a joking comment about traitors if his own personal friends pick someone else's color party hat. he is not being remotely serious, but it's deadpan, so. ]

[grimdeity]

[ clearly rose is #winning this birthday armageddon with that tentacle cake, holla atcha girl. rose shows up in a dress of crushed purple velvet with black tights and her crown clipped to a purple headband, because she's on theme today.

she'll be Mingling through the pie slices or just being harassed by dave for most of the party.

so it's easy to find her a) slicing tentacle cake and offering it because who wouldn't want horrorterror cake, b) walking around with a glass of grape juice, c) commentating on the movies, particularly analyzing dave's choices like a pretentious piece of shit, or d) doing whatever in a rose manner, feel free to just Approach. she will greet anyone who does, or anyone who approaches her slice of the party pie for whatever reason. play your wildcard. ]

[grimdeity]

[ mysteriously left at dave's table at some point during the festivities: a gift. wrapped in plain brown wrapping and a red bow is a well-sized box.

inside, wrapped neatly with wax paper:
- full knitted jumpsuit in red. with footies. knitted footie pajamas. with his name across the front.
- a knitted dick scarf. but the dicks are hidden; the scarf is red and the dicks are a slightly lighter shade of red so you have to squint to see them.
- a knitted sunglass cozy with the eyeglass parts shaped like apples.
- an apple cozy shaped like sunglasses, it can hold two apples and has handles. apple purse.
- a bottle of apple juice with a winky face on the cap.

there is also a card included with the gift, adorned with a watercolor red apple, ]

Dave,
Given your Knight of Time powers plus our immortality and the fact that we arrived here on a different date than we left our own home, this birthday and all others are effectually useless. They are nothing more than an excuse for cake and presents.

I wish you the most joyous of cake and present excuses. I could not ask for a better brother, for no wish-granting genie would be able to find one better than you. Happy birthday.

Love, your sister,
Rose

[splinten]

[Dirk shows up to the birthgeddon dressed absolutely not specially at all, although if anyone needs an extra blanket or sweater he has several different piles in his sylladex. In fact, he is wearing a muscle shirt specifically because he doesn't have to dress specially or warmly at this exact moment and he is fucking taking that luxury.

He'll wear his birthday crown though.

You can find him a) standing awkwardly at the wall of his section holding an orange beverage very unsure of what to do with his life, b) standing awkwardly in the same place with a slice of cake because seriously how do u birthday party actually, c) gradually warming up to the point of decapitating some pinatas, and d) eventually embracing the party full on by going full ironic (?) analysis of all cinematic choices.]

[splinten]

[Dirk comes over to Dave and holds out a comically large birthday box to Dave. It is lightweight. The first box has a tinier box inside it, but that box actually just has an ironic 'Amazon' package box inside it, and inside of the Amazon package is a very large version of those capsules you get toys from in coin machines.

But the capsule clearly has what to all appearances is a very nice looking book with a fancy cover. The pages are even still uncut. Amazing! There's gold leafing! What is this shit!

Dave will have to find out when he gets there.]

[parodeity]

[ dirk why the fuck did you make this so complicated?

dave will swap him a much smaller package, in which is just a flash drive with some tape around the handle. on the tape in dave's spiky handwriting is just dirk's name. it's nicely wrapped only because rose...helped him wrap shit (rose's own present is therefore terribly wrapped). ]

Is your present to me the present of opening a thousand things?

[ also that flashdrive has a variety of songs on it, though none of them should sound familiar - that is, they're original. however, all the instruments and vocals might sound more familiar. dave got everyone to record shit for him separately "for fun" and combined everything into tracks from there without explaining at all that he was manipulating them into birthday presents. among the instrumentals are distaction, conversation, vacation, aggrieveation, heart. there's a few raps and whatever in there too, and in addition to persuading rose to violin it up for him he got jake to agree to do some vocals???

so like

enjoy that ]

[grimdeity]

[ mysteriously left at dirk's table at some point during the party: gift. well, more like dropped off in plain view towards the beginning of the party but whatever. wrapped in orange paper with a white bow is a box.

inside:
- a knitted stuffed orange pony with rainbow yarn hair
- a knitted orange scarf.
- and matching orange gloves.
- and a knitted orange trucker hat.
- a set of wrench cozies.
- a mug that says "world's best dad". it looks hand-painted by a five year old. on purpose.

there's also a card, adorned with a watercolor orange hat, ]

Dirk,
I hope that this societal dictated celebration on a day meant to commemorate coming a year closer to death with baked goods and gifts is the finest that you have experienced and that future rehashes of this event. You deserve it. Happy birthday.

Your loving daughter,
Rose

[splinten]

Would you reject that present?

[Dirk... doesn't open the package. He just holds it like a loser. Because Dave clearly gets freaked out when Dirk has too many Emotions about presents so he'll not do it.

The fancy book, of course, is a luxe edition of the Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff comics, including Dave's Subnautica additions (the Papyrus comic). Reading it through chronologically may help Dave realize exactly what happened here. Dirk started writing in the margins with all of his thoughts, like talking about the different ways things work. This breaks off by the Stairs comic into a huge philosophical tangent, and in the margins of the church comic Dirk actually has a footnote talking about how he knows Dave’s process is totally careless and ridiculous and all of Dirk’s readings are giving it a depth that Dave never intended for it, but for Dirk that’s part of the particular fun of these specific comics Dave made and he’s really grateful that he has the chance to give his wild interpretations back to Dave

Of course, by that point, Dave could be excused for missing the note. After all, several comics have been covered in postnotes with Dirk's theories. The nancho comic has a URL (or whatever we have on the base) written in the margin that will lead Dave to a weird, vaguely nacho/nacho fifteen minute long Theatre of the Absurd audio piece that Dirk recorded in his own voice. The nancho falls forever, Dave.

There is also an insert page that contains two fanfics: one that is lavelled "SFW" and is just about Peaches and Geromy having a normal day, and a second version by the same title labelled "NSFW" and sealed with a note that you must be 18 or older to read it. Opening this will allow Dave to read I can't believe you actually opened this. And that's all. There is QR code in the middle that will lead Dave to a Dramatic Reenactment of the DISTACTION comic with Dirk and Wiz. The video quality is pristine, but the costumes somehow are peggy. Wiz is Jeff.

Finally, there is a map. This map will lead Dave across the island where he will find a small tree house built near the edge of a mountain. Inside this tree house is an art installation of “Sweet Bro, Hella Jeff, and the New Friend Geromy” as coral in a case, but mostly they just look like dicks, except for the Geromy coral that actually looks like Geromy.]

[parodeity]

Obviously not? Although apparently you would.

[ open your present, dirk????? dave is clearly waiting???????

when he finally his the book he obviously cannot. read all of this in one sitting what the fuck dirk??? well he CAN, but he'd have to time stop and it will probably take him until tomorrow to follow the map. for the moment, however, his immediate reaction to opening the book and seeing his own comic is the immediate uptick of the right corner of his lips.

at the very least one of them is used to gifts at this point, or more accurately dave is used to dirk throwing random shit at him and so he's pretty relaxed about getting a present, even as he flips through the pages, scanning the notes.

yeah, he's gonna have to stay up reading this all???? ]

[potentite]

[Jake is actually pretty happy with his slice? He loves skulls! Which he will, in fact, tell anyone who comes around him. He just really loves skulls. It could have been Avatar themed but alas. Oh well there's always next year for that. This year is the year for skulls.

He, too, wears his crown for now even though he's kind of shy about it. It draws attention to him! Even though it's partly for his birthday? He should probably socialize and do something like that. So sometimes he'll be a) trying to offer cake in a show of socialization!

Or b) poking at his pinata and trying to figure out if it's okay to break open? He wants to shoot it judging by the way he's flipping a gun. Or maybe you prefer a c) movie option of Jake commenting on the movies because he loves ALL THE PICKS. ALL OF THEM.

Or d) just grab him from being shy. Wildcard it up because he'll be around.]

[splinten]

[Unlike Rose, Dirk actually gives presents in person? So after she delivers her present, he crosses over to her birthday slice, wearing the orange scarf she blessed him with as well as the gloves, and holds out a very neatly wrapped object. It is clearly a book. When she unwraps it, she will find it is a psychology text book.]

As a measure of an approach to death this entire affair is basically meaningless to us. Getting old is neither Just nor Heroic. Happy birthday, Rose.

[The problem, of course, is Dirk would never give her just a book. What kind of father do you take it for? And a psychology text book, handed to her pristine as if he agrees with all of it? He would never.. This psychology is annotated heavily with Dirk's opinions on the various theories, experiments, etc. Some of these criticisms are well-reasoned arguments or scathing criticism supported with evidence. Some of these criticisms seem so esoteric as to potentially be ironic, but maybe not. But maybe. All of Dirk's comments are painstakingly well-researched with information on how Rose can look up the relevant studies. In the middle of a tangent about Lacan, there is a QR code.

When Rose scans this QR code, she will find she has downloaded to her communicator an hour and a half long 'dream journal' from Dirk. He explains that it was audio recorded so she could also psychoanalyze his tonal variation as he talks about his dreams. (There is no tonal variation.) At one hour, eleven minutes, and one second in, Dirk starts describing a dream where Rose goes to the base's Can Town and approaches its Public Library. In the dream, she lifts up the Public Library, and then he awakens.

Should Rose decide to re-enact this 'dream' of Dirk's, she will find underneath Can Town's Public Library a beautiful leather-bound journal with pretentiously aged paper alongside a set of calligraphy pens, plus an old ink well and an actual Feather Quill Pen. (The feather is black and purple.) Inside the journal is a note. "I'm looking forward to your additions to our book collections."

That is, if she goes to find it, of course.]

[grimdeity]

[ mysteriously appearing at jake's table at some point during the party: a gift. a green paper wrapped box with a yellow bow.

inside;
- a knitted stuffed pair of pistols. with happy faces.
- a knitted green scarf.
- a knitted pair of yellow pants.
- a knitted green skull beanie.

there's also a card, with a watercolor green skull on the front, ]

Jake,
Happy birthday, Mr English.

Sincerely,
Rose

[splinten]

[Dirk shows up in front of Jake. He is holding some kind of present box in his hands. He looks at Jake. He pauses.

He leans forward and briefly kisses his boyfriend.]

Happy birthday, English.

[Dirk holds the box out for Jake to take.]

[potentite]

[He accepts the kiss and the box with about the same amount of enthusiasm.]

Am I allowed to open it now?

[splinten]

Up to you.

[Not that he expects Jake to wait. And inside, Jake will find a very nice, durable, well-built green tool box! If he feels over the box he will realize that it has subtle skull patterns etched in and all across. Inside are a variety of tools that anyone interested in inventions of the polymathic sort would find useful. There are wrenches and screwdrivers and those squiggly ones that one could learn the name of but which are better called squiggly. Except, the wrenches have odd handles. On closer examination, all the tools in the box are carefully carved out of bone in an approximation of various of Jake's favourite movie characters. Even the Nic Cage ones. The hero of his favourite blue furry movie is carved onto the cover of the set of different bits for the screwdriver.

The kit, naturally, goes beyond that. There are a startling number of sleek and low-space blowtorch tools, a skull mask for welding or other dangerous work, tools for manipulations of chips and wires, a set of salves and bandages for the kinds of injuries one tends to accrue on one's hands when working. For most kinds of inventions, this kit would cover Jake's needs.

Pasted on the inside of the lid is a simple note.

Jake,
I'm hoping you'll decide to get some use out of this. It shouldn't be hard to fit into your sylladex for taking back to the island for private work. I was thinking you might be interested in adding an extra room to that old base for some inventing.

-Dirk

He isn't sure if it's enough. He spent hours crafting each tool, planned out the set to cover as many needs as he could, and still he isn't sure. But... what he wanted, more than anything, was to give Jake this. To acknowledge what Jake has so often undermined. To support that.

He hopes it is enough.]

[splinten]

[He has to watch Dave open his first? The uptick is enough and Dirk will wait on the rest. Because, you know, he assumes Dave will have to take a while to read it instead of doing it in looped time. What an idiot Dirk is.]

You sure you want me to open this one in front of you? Referencing back to your aversion to remaining in my presence after certain objects are passed to my person, based on unfounded assumptions about what I'm about to do next.

[He was Not going to cry.]

[lamortespoir]

[ After the welcome that Dirk gave him yesterday, Sanson had found out about the Saber's birthday quite soon. Unfortunately, this also leaves him only a short time to prepare a gift, to which he falls back to the most reliable one he can think of.

By most reliable, it's the most reliable at hopefully conveying his message. He doubts a capable Demi-Servant would find anything he can offer to be useful in terms of combat. ]

Happy birthday.

[ Sanson's present is something wrapped in a simple envelope of brown paper. It's a small cross carved out of the same material as his own old rosary, strung on a slim chain and made using the method that Dirk suggested to him months ago. ]

This is not much, but I pray it will keep you safe to some measure.

[ No dying allowed. ]

[lamortespoir]

[ Sanson was closest to the Strider siblings, so by virtue of that their sisters also felt as if they fell somewhat under his care. He doesn't know Rose well, but at least he can vaguely guess at her personality. To give only the boys a gift would be very rude and unbecoming. ]

This is for you, Miss Lalonde. Happy birthday.

[ He only had one day to prepare this, so what she will receive is a simple carved brooch wrapped in brown paper. ]

[parodeity]

If it's unfounded it's fine, right?

[ YEAH. DAVE IS DEFINITELY GONNA HAVE SEEN EVERYTHING BY THE END OF THE NIGHT, CHRONOLOGICALLY, FOR EVERYONE ELSE. COME ON DIRK? ]

It's not as impressive as like, this, [ the book ] so you shouldn't, uh, be overwhelmed? Thanks, btw.

[ he won't say "happy birthday" until tomorrow when he doubtless is gonna make a point to say so at like. 12:01 am. ]

[lamortespoir]

[ Sanson only had a little less than one day to prepare the children presents, so the only thing he could think of to be functional and of value would be something oddly sentimental. At about evening, he would make his way to the entertainment room in his usual half-skulking manner. (Being an Assassin curses one to have the instinct to hide.) Dave isn't hard to find, what with his outfit, so he would probably be able to see the Servant making a beeline for him as soon as he enters. ]

Happy Birthday.

[ He produces one package wrapped in brown paper from the depths of his trenchcoat. It contains one small cross charm strung with a slim chain, carved out of the same material as his own rosary. ]

This is not much, but at the least I hope it can keep you safe to a measure.

[ The two Sabers seem to have a mutually inherited penchant for getting into trouble. ]

[splinten]

[He opens up the present. It's a cross, and Dirk instantly recognizes that the method is the one that Sanson suggested to him. He also, equally instantly, tells himself not to start a Discussion about Christianity. He must not. Real people do not jump into intense Discourses at any opportunity.]

Thanks, dude. [It's genuine for all of its monotone; he does appreciate the feeling behind it. (He just also really wants to jump into a discussion. He has a problem.)] When's your birthday? You've missed most of the surveys we've had on that sort of thing.

[splinten]

That isn't really impressive.

[Dirk's first mistake was thinking Dave wouldn't run off and abuse his powers to play with his present. Dave's first mistake was thinking Dirk could take a compliment.

But fine, he will open the present. And it is a flashdrive! He looks back up from it at Dave although, shades, is that even visible. But still.]

Can I check it out now?

[parodeity]

You made me a book? That's impressive.

[ are they gonna argue about this... ]

Uh. Yes? Or you can just hold it and look dumb, I mean, the ball is entirely in your lane.

[splinten]

[The only thing worse than Dave's malapropism is Dirk assuming it's right.]

Okay. I'll, uh, do that.

[So good at this. He pulls out one of his extra tech things and hooks it up and pulls up the files. Distaction comes first for the obvious reasons. He listens for a bit, and then...]

And orchestrating, on a literal and figurative level, some jams isn't impressive. Dude. This is awesome.

[Dirk loves it already.]

[parodeity]

[ someone save them from sports terms. despite saying he was okay with and wanted dirk to open the present, dave hooks his hands into his back pockets and shifts his weight from one foot to the other. ]

It's not really a big deal, I just kinda threw 'em together. Gettin' you not to ask questions was the only hard part. [ like that's a full on lie? he absolutely thought about these a lot and they're composed on the themes they're named for and it's possibly the clearest dave's ever been at the outset on feelings.

...by...turning them into music?

thanks dave you're useless ]