DECEMBER 2ND, birthday armageddon action mingle

[parodeity]

So, anyone in the entertainment room area come December 2nd will be subjected to a ridiculous clash of colors and decorations. While the only advertisement was word-of-mouth, it's a six-way birthday party although none of the guests of honor seem to care if people actually celebrate their birthdays; it's possible to just come by for cake and/or random hangouts. The room seems to be divvied up into six pie slices with decorations, with a table in the middle with six cakes. The slices are kind of variable but easy enough to match up to their respective "owner": Jade's is neon green paired with white decoration-wise and seems to mostly be dog themed, although there's also more glitter in her slice than anywhere else; Jake's is less neon green paired with black and the collective Dave-and-Rose decoration committee apparently decided skulls was as good a theme as anything; Dave's is red and black and records although also just really dumb sbahj drawings which tbh have infected the other slices aside from Rose's; Dirk's is orange-and-white and robots; Rose's is purple-and-black and wizards and octopi; Roxy's is pink-and-white and cats and wizards. None of the decorations really seem intended to mesh with any other slices' decorations at all?

The cakes are equally mismatched, although some of them work together. Jade got a Bec-head shaped cake; Jake got another...skull...THEY TRIED, OKAY JAKE; Dave elected himself for hella jeff; Dirk got assigned sweet bro because Rose couldn't convince Dave to Not; Rose herself got a very disturbing octopus tentacle thing, what the fuck Rose; and Roxy got a cat.

There are like six pinatas in various colors and some party games and a movie marathon that seems to have literally no theme beyond being chosen by Dave and Rose and therefore the theme might actually be "what movie will annoy my sibling most" back and forth. So there's. Just a super variety of stuff there. And there's music which Dave seems to have been in control of, although most of it is lowkey so that's nice???

Sorry if you wanted to do something in this room related to not this hot mess today, BUT AT LEAST THEY'RE NOT DOING SIX SEPARATE PARTIES??? Also there are party hats in the colors of each slice (with a dumb paper crown in slice colors for each birthday kid) so pick your poison. There's a generic and very messy "HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY" banner so apparently it's just. 6 17s? Nice.

Comments

[parodeity]

[ dave of course shows up to the party he helped slap together and also. his own birthday party??? even though he technically isn't having his birthday until tomorrow (in terms of everyone else's linear chronology). he shows up with a christmas sweater (though bright red with a more gear-like clock) over jeans, which is probably rose's work. so far he's only worn 2 sweater-and-jeans combos this month. there is still a month of these to come?

for the most part he'll hang out in his own slice or near the music playing system, birthday crown firmly in place. however he can also be found invading rose's slice and commentating on her movie picks? because he's terrible???

so it's easy to catch him 1) changing the music 2) commentating on the movies 3) pinata-ing 4) eating cake actually because why not 5) APPLE SODA!!! or apple juice. he'll greet anyone with a nod or "sup" or potentially an off-topic ramble and i can write personal starters if you don't feel like wild carding it up vague hand gestures. IF YOU WANT SOMETHING SUPER SPECIFIC INSTEAD OF JUST MAKING YOUR OWN, dave will also be vaguely handing out his own party hats though he doesn't seem to Care what people pick. however he may make a joking comment about traitors if his own personal friends pick someone else's color party hat. he is not being remotely serious, but it's deadpan, so. ]

[grimdeity]

[ mysteriously left at dave's table at some point during the festivities: a gift. wrapped in plain brown wrapping and a red bow is a well-sized box.

inside, wrapped neatly with wax paper:
- full knitted jumpsuit in red. with footies. knitted footie pajamas. with his name across the front.
- a knitted dick scarf. but the dicks are hidden; the scarf is red and the dicks are a slightly lighter shade of red so you have to squint to see them.
- a knitted sunglass cozy with the eyeglass parts shaped like apples.
- an apple cozy shaped like sunglasses, it can hold two apples and has handles. apple purse.
- a bottle of apple juice with a winky face on the cap.

there is also a card included with the gift, adorned with a watercolor red apple, ]

Dave,
Given your Knight of Time powers plus our immortality and the fact that we arrived here on a different date than we left our own home, this birthday and all others are effectually useless. They are nothing more than an excuse for cake and presents.

I wish you the most joyous of cake and present excuses. I could not ask for a better brother, for no wish-granting genie would be able to find one better than you. Happy birthday.

Love, your sister,
Rose

[splinten]

[Dirk comes over to Dave and holds out a comically large birthday box to Dave. It is lightweight. The first box has a tinier box inside it, but that box actually just has an ironic 'Amazon' package box inside it, and inside of the Amazon package is a very large version of those capsules you get toys from in coin machines.

But the capsule clearly has what to all appearances is a very nice looking book with a fancy cover. The pages are even still uncut. Amazing! There's gold leafing! What is this shit!

Dave will have to find out when he gets there.]

[parodeity]

[ dirk why the fuck did you make this so complicated?

dave will swap him a much smaller package, in which is just a flash drive with some tape around the handle. on the tape in dave's spiky handwriting is just dirk's name. it's nicely wrapped only because rose...helped him wrap shit (rose's own present is therefore terribly wrapped). ]

Is your present to me the present of opening a thousand things?

[ also that flashdrive has a variety of songs on it, though none of them should sound familiar - that is, they're original. however, all the instruments and vocals might sound more familiar. dave got everyone to record shit for him separately "for fun" and combined everything into tracks from there without explaining at all that he was manipulating them into birthday presents. among the instrumentals are distaction, conversation, vacation, aggrieveation, heart. there's a few raps and whatever in there too, and in addition to persuading rose to violin it up for him he got jake to agree to do some vocals???

so like

enjoy that ]

[splinten]

Would you reject that present?

[Dirk... doesn't open the package. He just holds it like a loser. Because Dave clearly gets freaked out when Dirk has too many Emotions about presents so he'll not do it.

The fancy book, of course, is a luxe edition of the Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff comics, including Dave's Subnautica additions (the Papyrus comic). Reading it through chronologically may help Dave realize exactly what happened here. Dirk started writing in the margins with all of his thoughts, like talking about the different ways things work. This breaks off by the Stairs comic into a huge philosophical tangent, and in the margins of the church comic Dirk actually has a footnote talking about how he knows Dave’s process is totally careless and ridiculous and all of Dirk’s readings are giving it a depth that Dave never intended for it, but for Dirk that’s part of the particular fun of these specific comics Dave made and he’s really grateful that he has the chance to give his wild interpretations back to Dave

Of course, by that point, Dave could be excused for missing the note. After all, several comics have been covered in postnotes with Dirk's theories. The nancho comic has a URL (or whatever we have on the base) written in the margin that will lead Dave to a weird, vaguely nacho/nacho fifteen minute long Theatre of the Absurd audio piece that Dirk recorded in his own voice. The nancho falls forever, Dave.

There is also an insert page that contains two fanfics: one that is lavelled "SFW" and is just about Peaches and Geromy having a normal day, and a second version by the same title labelled "NSFW" and sealed with a note that you must be 18 or older to read it. Opening this will allow Dave to read I can't believe you actually opened this. And that's all. There is QR code in the middle that will lead Dave to a Dramatic Reenactment of the DISTACTION comic with Dirk and Wiz. The video quality is pristine, but the costumes somehow are peggy. Wiz is Jeff.

Finally, there is a map. This map will lead Dave across the island where he will find a small tree house built near the edge of a mountain. Inside this tree house is an art installation of “Sweet Bro, Hella Jeff, and the New Friend Geromy” as coral in a case, but mostly they just look like dicks, except for the Geromy coral that actually looks like Geromy.]

[parodeity]

Obviously not? Although apparently you would.

[ open your present, dirk????? dave is clearly waiting???????

when he finally his the book he obviously cannot. read all of this in one sitting what the fuck dirk??? well he CAN, but he'd have to time stop and it will probably take him until tomorrow to follow the map. for the moment, however, his immediate reaction to opening the book and seeing his own comic is the immediate uptick of the right corner of his lips.

at the very least one of them is used to gifts at this point, or more accurately dave is used to dirk throwing random shit at him and so he's pretty relaxed about getting a present, even as he flips through the pages, scanning the notes.

yeah, he's gonna have to stay up reading this all???? ]

[splinten]

[He has to watch Dave open his first? The uptick is enough and Dirk will wait on the rest. Because, you know, he assumes Dave will have to take a while to read it instead of doing it in looped time. What an idiot Dirk is.]

You sure you want me to open this one in front of you? Referencing back to your aversion to remaining in my presence after certain objects are passed to my person, based on unfounded assumptions about what I'm about to do next.

[He was Not going to cry.]

[lamortespoir]

[ Sanson only had a little less than one day to prepare the children presents, so the only thing he could think of to be functional and of value would be something oddly sentimental. At about evening, he would make his way to the entertainment room in his usual half-skulking manner. (Being an Assassin curses one to have the instinct to hide.) Dave isn't hard to find, what with his outfit, so he would probably be able to see the Servant making a beeline for him as soon as he enters. ]

Happy Birthday.

[ He produces one package wrapped in brown paper from the depths of his trenchcoat. It contains one small cross charm strung with a slim chain, carved out of the same material as his own rosary. ]

This is not much, but at the least I hope it can keep you safe to a measure.

[ The two Sabers seem to have a mutually inherited penchant for getting into trouble. ]

[parodeity]

Thanks, man. Nice to see you around again, btw.

[ since sanson SURE DID DISAPPEAR for a bit there. dave isn't questioning it overmuch, and he'll quirk a tiny smile when he opens the gift. ]

Made it yourself?

[lamortespoir]

[ Dave has about the same degree of expressiveness in his reaction as his brother, which Sanson appreciates. Not making a fuss about these things is the way he prefers it to be. ]

I did. Your brother taught me how to carve objects.

[ He feels he should give partial credit to Dirk, since he was the one who gave Sanson the idea of using drones to assist. Kind of like reverse 3D printing. ]

I am glad we can work together again.

[ Dave's smile is returned in kind. ]

[parodeity]

He whittles?

[ what the fuck dirk ]

[intranslatability]

[ ada passes him by and with all the elegance and the grace expected from her, she just tosses a box that has been carefully wrapped in the brightest red wrapper eve could find on the base. then she'll do her best to disappear into the crowd because that is how ada is going to roll for the rest of the event.

at least the parcel is still in one piece. within it is going to be the following items:

an even smaller box, which is all nice and snug thanks an crocheted apple cozy it sports. inside the box is a confectionary cake. she's baked and decorated the pastry into the shape of a bright red apple because yo dog she heard you like apples so have an apple within an apple within an apple. (it's also apple flavoured. ada could not convince eve to stop this silly idea so this is the result of it.)

her gift for him is a set of stuffed dinosaur plushies that she made, small and cute. hopefully the material she used for this will be easy to clean in the future. interestingly enough, while one is naturally in his favourite colour the others can be found coloured a deep purple, bright orange, and so on. (also, as a little bonus treat as it is the holiday season, she made a little stuffed toy in the likeness of the magister and has it fastened on the back of the red dinosaur.)

and finally there's his birthday card. since she knew he was the creator behind sweet bro and hella jeff, one of her favourite things ever on the base these days, of course she had to make the birthday card in that medium's style. an unholy creation of neons and deliberately misspelled words wishing him a birthday and christmas at the same time. thank god she opted to keep her handwriting normal for the message, her well wishes for joyful celebrations eligible amongst the comic sans and eye searing colours.

happy birthday dave! ]

[cuteandquarky]

[Jade's left two thirds of her gift for Dave on the table with the rest of the presents. The first third is about six bottles of apple soda - sure, there might already be apple soda at the party, but this is for later. She's placed a decorative bow on top, just to make sure everybody knows it is a present.

The second third is a hand-written card, scrawled in her familiar and loopy green handwriting and sprinkled lightly with glitter. On the outside are a series of drawings, including her approximation of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, a pair of really cool sunglasses, and a couple of birds, apples, and clocks.

On the inside is a heart-felt message, with hearts, flowers, and stars decorating the margins:]

dear dave,

happy birthday!!!!!

i guess that you are probably more than seventeen now because of time shenanigans, but that is ok! it is still fun to celebrate your birthday anyways :)

it has been so much fun getting to hang out in person again and farming together and all of that kind of stuff! i am glad that we got out of sburb together and i am so happy that we are friends <3 i hope that you have a really fun birthday because you definitely deserve it!!!!!!

oh!! and the soda is NOT your only present by the way :) your other present is a biiiit more delicate so i will hand deliver it!! though by the time you read this you may have it already :P

happy birthday again!!!!

<3
jade

[As promised, Jade delivers her third present in person. She floats over to Dave, cradling a small planter in her hands that's been decorated with numerous kind messages to Dave scrawled along the side. Inside of the planter, upon closer inspection, is a shrunk down apple tree, which is only about a foot high, and apples the size of candies on its branches.]

Happy Birthday, Dave!

[parodeity]

[ well, he's in the middle of reading the card, but he'll put it away as soon as jade floats his way, automatically smiling. it's maybe a small smile but it's impossible to not smile at his friends? he has a weakness? his friends are his weakness???

the smile gets less tiny and more actually genuinely delighted when he sees what she's holding, though. ]

Holy shit, are those bite-sized apples?

[ that's so...

utterly ridiculous he loves it. since jade's in range, dave will hand her a neatly wrapped package - it's small, since it just has a flash drive with her name in his handwriting on the side. on the drive are a variety of instrumental songs with a few vocal tracks. notably, she'll probably recognize rose's violin in some and her own bass guitar in others, since it appears the "for fun" recordings dave was doing were going to be combined into tracks for people. among the tracks are: space, perma-unfrost, eveningwear, pumpkin, starshine. ]

Happy belated birthday, Harley.

[cuteandquarky]

They are! They should be small enough that the seeds will not bother you, so you can just pull them off and eat them. Or you can find me, and I can make them bigger for you.

[She turns the flash drive over in her hands, clearly curious and excited, but unable to tell what's on it just yet. Jade may be many things, but she does not have a USB immediately available.]

What's on here? Or is it a super duper secret until I plug it in?

[parodeity]

It's been a while since I made some tunes for you? So.

[ that is what is on there. ]

[alienates]

[ like all of karkat's other gifts to the birthday kids, dave's is in a plain box that has no note. inside the box is a handmade book that also looks plain on the outside, but at least it's dave's favorite color! it looks like it might be a photo album, but when dave opens it he will find that instead of actual photographs, there are drawings. there are a lot more than just those, but that's the gist of it. this is the very last page cause karkat is a #sap. it's all left on dave's table.

anyway karkat will take a party hat from dave since he figures that if he's gonna wear anyone's he might as well wear dave's ]

Happy not birthday, asshole.

[ since it's not technically his bday yet..... ]

[parodeity]

[ ok good because dave would have Complained all day if karkat picked someone else's hat??? no one wants that. NO ONE WANTS THAT. karkat gets a smile, though since dave has not actually opened his presents yet it's not overlaid with like

the unholy glee he will have later rip ]

Does that mean you're plannin' a wake-up call with a proper birthday wish tomorrow?

[alienates]

Yeah sure, obviously. Expect trumpets and everything.

[ probably not trumpets. karkat is p sure dave is gonna spend a fair chunk of his actual bday fucking around with the other birthday boy of that day so no trumpets.

karkat doesn't even know how to play trumpet. ]

[parodeity]

That sounds like a threat, since you're kinda anti-musically talented.

[ he's Teasing, but

is it a threat ]

[oneandmikleonly]

[another tiny mystery box just labeled 'happy birthday' shows up at Dave's table, at some point in the party; inside is a simple, stylized figurine of a Cute Fish under a coral tree, done in metal and wire, tentacles curled for a fistbump.

it's actually a music box -- if he presses a button on the coral's 'trunk,' a compartment in the fish's mouth opens, and a bead of coated Thatium inside plays some (very, very tiny) recorded sick beats, which he must have gotten from hanging around while Dave was messing with his turntables.]

[superseding]

[ On Dave's table, Hotaru will leave a small basket covered in a red cloth. Inside the basket will be origami apples with leaves shaped roughly like music notes. One one of the bigger ones, there will be a message written on its leaf: Happy birthday, Dave! I hope the day is as fun as you are. -Hotaru

Nestled with the paper apples will be two small sealed clear bags holding dried apple rings sprinkled with cinnamon and nutmeg and candied apple slices. ]

[imsorey]

[There's a medium-sized, badly-wrapped present that appears on Dave's table at sometime during the night. Inside is what looks like a snowglobe filled with water; there's a metal apple tree at the center, with colorful shells stuck to the bottom. there are three little metal cute fish floating through the water in the globe, though you have to shake it a bit to make them move.

There's a little card with it that just says HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVE!!! ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆]

[lightbulbvampire]

Happy Wriggling Day Dave.

[Kanaya locates Dave whenever he seems the least busy to hold out a large box wrapped reluctantly in a deliberately bad way that has an even more reluctantly made sbahj pattern on it. Upon further inspection aka touching it, it's apparent that the wrapping is actually fabric. When removed from the cardboard box it's been used as wrapping for, it's large enough to be a blanket.
Inside are two items from the massive selection of items Kanaya spent several long hours gently mauling the monomono yachine for; MonoMono Yachine for: 2.5D Headphones and a Falkor Muffler and an shirt that commemorates’ Dave’s Disney Princesshood. Kanaya probably referenced Daves’ instaclam posts among other things to get the phrasing just right. The shirt is plain white with “I’m Not Saying I’m A Disney Princess I’m Just Saying No One Has Ever Seen Me And A Disney Princess In The Same Room Together” neatly printed on it.
Kanaya’s lips twitch up in what is probably a snicker being held back when Dave sees that one.]

[parodeity]

Thanks, Kan.

[ THIS IS A LOT OF PRESENTRY... ]

You havin' a good time?