text; attack of the info dump

[alienates]

OK SO EVERYONE, LISTEN UP. I HAVE SOME PRETTY IMPORTANT NEWS HERE.
AND I MEAN *ACTUALLY* IMPORTANT. STOP FEEDING THOSE DIGITAL CATS FOR TWO SECONDS AND READ THIS.

ANYWAY, SO I'M SURE EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT NAOKO'S GROUP OVER AT THAT ISLAND WITH THE VOLCANO.
AND HOW SHE MENTIONED SOME WAR THAT EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS SAD EXCUSE OF A UNIVERSE IS HAVING.
OR AT LEAST I ASSUME YOU ALL KNOW? A LOT OF YOU ARE NEW SO I HAVE NO CLUE HOW CAUGHT UP YOU GUYS ARE?
SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL, EVERY TIME I BLINK THERE'S SOMEONE ELSE FALLING OUT OF THE SKY OR SOMETHING DRAMATIC.
JUST CHILL WITH THESE ENTRANCES?
OK SO BACK TO THE MATTER AT HAND, WHICH I WILL REPEAT, IS PRETTY USEFUL INFORMATION TO KNOW SO DON'T JUST SKIP OVER READING THIS BECAUSE IT'S ME TALKING.
DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE.

FIRST OF ALL, I AM JUST GOING TO STATE THAT I AM DISAPPOINTED IN EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US WHO HAVE BEEN HERE SINCE WE DISCOVERED THAT ISLAND.
WHY DIDN'T ANY OF US THINK TO OURSELVES, "HM, THAT NAOKO LADY SURE IS BEING DODGY ABOUT TELLING US ABOUT THIS WAR. WHY DON'T WE ASK OUR FUCKING AI TO SEE IF SHE KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT IT?"
I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY *I* EVENTUALLY DID IT, SO YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THAT?
TO EVERYONE WHO GAVE ME A LECTURE BECAUSE I WAS APPARENTLY NOT DOING ENOUGH TO HELP THIS BASE, PLEASE IMAGINE ME STICKING BOTH OF MY MIDDLE FINGERS UP IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION.
AND HOLD THAT VISUAL FOR THE REST OF THIS EXPLANATION.

OK SO THERE'S THIS RACE CALLED THE KHARAA AND THEY ARE FUCKING EVERYTHING UP.
THEY'RE MICROSCOPIC, POSSIBLY BACTERIAL BUT WHO THE FUCK EVEN KNOWS? WE SURE DON'T!
BASICALLY THEY SALVAGE BIOLOGICAL AND GENETIC MATERIAL FROM THE PLANETS THEY CONQUER, CREATING HOSTS FOR THEMSELVES.
IT'S PRETTY CREEPY? LET'S SAY THEY TAKE OVER, SHIT, I DON'T KNOW, HINATA? HE'D BE PERFECTLY AWARE THAT HE USED TO BE HUMAN BUT HE'D JUST NO LONGER GIVE ANY TYPE OF FUCK BECAUSE OF THE KHARAA INFLUENCE.
(AUTHOR'S NOTE: AS FAR AS I AM AWARE, HINATA IS NOT POSSESSED BY EVIL TINY ALIENS.)
WHEN THERE'S A LOT OF THEM IN ONE LOCATION, IT'LL LOOK LIKE MOSS OR ALGAE.
WHICH, I KNOW, COMPLETELY FUCKING HELPFUL WHEN WE'RE STUCK ON A WATER PLANET WHERE ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING LOOKS LIKE ALGAE.
ACCORDING TO BOTH NAOKO AND URSULA, THERE IS NO KNOWN WAY TO BEAT THEM AND EVERYONE WHO IS FIGHTING THEM IS LOSING THIS WAR.

WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH US, OBVIOUSLY, AS WE'RE NOT FROM HERE AND ARE CURRENTLY STRANDED ON THIS PLANET.
OH BTW, ALL THOSE THEORIES YOU GUYS HAD ABOUT THIS PLANET BEING SENTIENT? PAT YOURSELVES ON YOUR BACK AND GIVE YOURSELVES A COOL MEDAL.
IT'S WHY THEY KEEP SENDING SHIPS HERE TO TERRAFORM.
THEY SWITCHED TACTICS FROM "TRYING TO BEAT THE KHARAA" TO "RUNNING AS FAR AWAY FROM THE KHARAA AS POSSIBLE" WHICH MEANS FINDING NEW PLANETS TO SETTLE.
I BELIEVE NAOKO USED THE ANALOGY OF LITTLE FISH HIDING UNDERNEATH SHARKS TO HIDE FROM OTHER PREDATORS.
INIIDAE IS FUCKED UP AND HAS A BILLION THINGS THAT WANT TO KILL US, BUT APPARENTLY THAT'S PREFERABLY TO THE KHARAA. HURRAY.
ANYWAY, SINCE THIS PLANET HAS NATURAL DEFENSES (LIKE THE PULSE THAT KEEPS SHOOTING DOWN SHIPS), IT'S CONSIDERED ONE OF THE MORE VIABLE OPTIONS TO GET AWAY FROM THEM.
NAOKO SAID THAT THEY ONLY WANT TO USE A SMALL SECTION OF THE PLANET AND TERRAFORM IT.
PROBABLY BECAUSE IF THEY TRY TO EXPAND TOO MUCH THEN THE PLANET WOULD THROW A HISSY FIT AND ATTEMPT TO KILL EVERYONE.
I DON'T KNOW. GOD, INIIDAE SUCKS?
BUT *THAT'S* WHY URSULA WANTS US TO TERRAFORM THE PLANET.
NOT THAT SHE'S REALLY BEEN FORCING US TO DO ANYTHING, ACTUALLY.
CONSIDERING HOW HIGH PRIORITY THIS MISSION SEEMS TO BE, SHE IS PRETTY CHILL ABOUT US... DOING EVERYTHING EXCEPT TERRAFORMING.

I'M NOT TELLING YOU ALL THIS FOR EVERYONE TO START FREAKING OUT AND PREPARE TO GO TO BATTLE OR ANYTHING.
AS OF NOW, WE HAVE NO REASON TO BELIEVE THE KHARAA ARE ON THIS PLANET.
IF ANY OF THEIR SHIPS CAME, THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN SHOT DOWN JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHER ONES.
APPARENTLY THEY CAN'T DO MUCH WITHOUT HOST BODIES? AND PRESUMABLY WHATEVER HOST BODIES THEY'D BE IN WHEN CRASH LANDING AFTER THEIR SHIPS HAVE BEEN SHOT DOWN WOULD END UP DYING ON IMPACT.
YOU KNOW, SINCE MOST THINGS DO AFTER FALLING OUT OF THE SKY IN SOMETHING THAT IS PROBABLY ON FIRE.
WHICH, I WILL ONCE AGAIN REITERATE, IS *IF* THEY SOMEHOW ENDED UP HERE. WE HAVE NO EVIDENCE THAT SUGGESTS THAT SO DON'T FREAK OUT. OK? OK.
I GUESS, IF YOU WANT TO BE CAREFUL, DON'T GO POKING AT MOSS? I'M NOT SURE WHY YOU WOULD EVEN WANT TO DO THAT ANYWAY, BUT I CAN'T BE CERTAIN OF THE INTELLIGENCE LEVEL OF EVERY INDIVIDUAL IN THIS BASE.
I JUST THOUGHT YOU WOULD ALL BE INTERESTED IN WHY EVERYONE ELSE SEEMS TO KEEP COMING TO THIS PLANET EVEN THOUGH IT'S APPARENTLY THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE OF SPACE.
BTW CAN ANYONE EXPLAIN THAT REFERENCE TO ME? I STILL DON'T GET IT. BE MORE INCLUSIVE, ASSHOLES, NOT ALL OF US ARE FROM EARTH.

OH. RIGHT. ALSO DIRK WAS THERE TOO.
AND HE GOT SOME MORE SPECIFIC INFO ON ISHMAEL? YOU KNOW, THAT MILITARY AI THAT MAY OR MAY NOT CAUSE A PROBLEM FOR US.
HE'S APPARENTLY MADE OUT OF NANITES AND CAN TELEPORT ANYWHERE ON THE PLANET.
AND CAN MAKE HIMSELF WEAPONS, CHANGE HIS SHAPE AND SIZE, AND SHIT. AWESOME.
FROM WHAT WE'VE GATHERED, ISHMAEL IS THEIR BEST AND LAST DEFENSE AGAINST THE KHARAA ASIDE FROM RUNNING AWAY LIKE SCARED WIGGLERS.
HE IS ON THIS PLANET SOMEWHERE, SO WE MIGHT END UP RUNNING INTO HIM EVENTUALLY?
NAOKO SEEMED PRETTY CERTAIN THAT HE WOULDN'T HAVE SUSTAINED ANY DAMAGE FROM THE CRASH AND THE TIME HE HAS SPENT HERE SINCE THEN.
SHE ALSO SAID THAT HE WON'T ATTACK ANY HUMANS SINCE HE'S PROGRAMMED TO PROTECT THEM?
SO I GUESS... CONGRATU-FUCKING-LATIONS TO ALL OF YOU WHO ARE ACTUALLY HUMAN.

( ooc: these two are the threads in question where he and dirk talks to them if you want to see what exactly was said. all of this info is gonna be added to their database after this post so crew members can look it up if they want. )

Comments

[imsorey]

I HAVE A QUESTION

I HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS DO YOU WANT ME TO ASK IN PERSON OR TEXT YOU

[alienates]

I'M IN MY ROOM BUT I CAN MEET UP WHEREVER YOU ARE?

[imsorey]

[You don't get a response but less than a minute later there's a knock on your door

sorry Karkat]

[alienates]

[ god fucking dammit sorey

karkat contemplates letting him in or not because he is not a fan of people coming into his room?? but whatever, sorey seems like an alright guy so karkat goes to open the door and let him in. ]

Or you can completely disregard what I just said and come here. Alright, get in.

[imsorey]

[what a good friend]

I was in my room, so I thought it would be faster just to come to you before I forget what I was going to ask.

[alienates]

Whatever. Depending on what your questions are it'd probably be better to do it in my room anyway.

[imsorey]

It seemed easier. But anyways, is it true that typing in capslock is rude? That's what I heard, but you just did a whole essay and one one seemed to care very much that it was in all capital letters.

[This was clearly the most important question so he had to ask it first.]

[alienates]

What? No, of course not. There is absolutely nothing wrong with capslock and you can spam it to your blood pumper's content.

[ #LetSoreyCapslock2k16 ]

[imsorey]

Good to know! I thought it seemed kind of weird too.

[Korosensei was obviously mistaken! Once that's out of the way, Sorey holds up three fingers and starts ticking off his questions as he goes.]

The military AI seems like a pretty big concern, do you know if there's a way to convince it that you're human so it won't attack? Or just a way to tell it not to hurt anyone here. We've never had that problem with URSULA before. And do you know what methods people have tried to stop the Kharaa before? I'm guessing sticking them into jars would be too easy, but it can't hurt to check. I'd also like to know if there's a book that would tell me what the Bermuda triangle is, for future reference.

[alienates]

Naoko said we can try explaining to ISHMAEL that the non-humans in the base are okay. She also said that if he realizes we're friendly, he might not attack us but he probably wouldn't protect us if shit went down.

[ which isn't as bad but. still sucks? ]

I can ask her about that. Mikleo wants me to go ask her something for him so I might as well get as many questions as I can.

[ he makes a face. ] You don't know either?

[imsorey]

[Nodding along at the first two parts. No AI's murdering people, figuring out how to stop alien wars, all good--and then he stops to shake his head at the question.]

I'm not from Earth--or at least not the one URSULA's from, so I don't know any of those references. And there aren't as many of them in books as I'd like there to be.

[alienates]

The people I normally go to about that kind of thing are all trolls [ as in, people who troll and not his species ] and would probably make up something really ridiculous to mess with me.

[imsorey]

Hmm. What about an encyclopedia? Would that have accurate information? You wouldn't have to worry about jokes at your expense that way either.

telepathy; closed

[oneandmikleonly]

Hey, Sorey. How do you feel about taking a trip into the dreamscape this month?

[imsorey]

[He nods, and then since nods don't translate into telepathy he adds]

Sure. Sooner rather than later might be a good idea.

[oneandmikleonly]

We have the means and something to look for in the caves for Karkat -- and I want to talk to the dragons directly in the Void. We need more information. If there's malevolence involved at least we're better-equipped for that than most.

[imsorey]

We can't really sit on our hands anymore after hearing all of that.

[It's still risky, but so is inaction.]

Loki might be able to help--he said he's an exorcist back home, and he can absorb malevolence. He said it's safe, and it sounds like he's been doing it for long enough that I can believe it.

[oneandmikleonly]

That's true. I saw the staff he keeps it in. We can ask him.

Maybe Alisha and Rose...? Some of the people who visited the Void last time...? I at least want confirmation that I wasn't imagining so much malevolence...

[and to be with people who are better negotiators than he is.]

[imsorey]

I'm sure you weren't imagining it. That much malevolence would be impossible to ignore, and we felt it when we went to that area before.

But I bet Rose and Alisha would want to come too.

[More like they'd be so mad to be left behind, and he'd actually feel better if they came along.]

[oneandmikleonly]

We have some other people interested too, I think...mm. We can see who's interested, head to the monolith together.

[he sounds a little tired; all the factors at play here are a bit overwhelming.]

[imsorey]

[Tilting his head like he's trying to listen better, like it can help him make sure he heard mikleo's tone right]

Yeah, that sounds like a plan. Where are you?

[oneandmikleonly]

Just the labs. I was taking notes when the message came in.

[imsorey]

[There isn't a response after that, but a minute later Sorey is poking his head into the labs.]

There you are. How's it going?

[oneandmikleonly]

[he's still bent over the communicator messaging Karkat, apparently; starts a bit when Sorey walks in]

It's fine. You wanted to talk in person--?

[imsorey]

Yeah, well, you sounded tired, so I wanted to make sure you weren't pushing yourself too hard.

[Pot calling the kettle black, but they've got all the time in the world to worry about dealing with dragons.]