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subnautica2016-08-29 05:58 pm
alienates) wrote in subnautica2016-08-29 05:58 pm
text; attack of the info dump
OK SO EVERYONE, LISTEN UP. I HAVE SOME PRETTY IMPORTANT NEWS HERE.
AND I MEAN *ACTUALLY* IMPORTANT. STOP FEEDING THOSE DIGITAL CATS FOR TWO SECONDS AND READ THIS.
ANYWAY, SO I'M SURE EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT NAOKO'S GROUP OVER AT THAT ISLAND WITH THE VOLCANO.
AND HOW SHE MENTIONED SOME WAR THAT EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS SAD EXCUSE OF A UNIVERSE IS HAVING.
OR AT LEAST I ASSUME YOU ALL KNOW? A LOT OF YOU ARE NEW SO I HAVE NO CLUE HOW CAUGHT UP YOU GUYS ARE?
SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL, EVERY TIME I BLINK THERE'S SOMEONE ELSE FALLING OUT OF THE SKY OR SOMETHING DRAMATIC.
JUST CHILL WITH THESE ENTRANCES?
OK SO BACK TO THE MATTER AT HAND, WHICH I WILL REPEAT, IS PRETTY USEFUL INFORMATION TO KNOW SO DON'T JUST SKIP OVER READING THIS BECAUSE IT'S ME TALKING.
DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE.
FIRST OF ALL, I AM JUST GOING TO STATE THAT I AM DISAPPOINTED IN EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US WHO HAVE BEEN HERE SINCE WE DISCOVERED THAT ISLAND.
WHY DIDN'T ANY OF US THINK TO OURSELVES, "HM, THAT NAOKO LADY SURE IS BEING DODGY ABOUT TELLING US ABOUT THIS WAR. WHY DON'T WE ASK OUR FUCKING AI TO SEE IF SHE KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT IT?"
I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY *I* EVENTUALLY DID IT, SO YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THAT?
TO EVERYONE WHO GAVE ME A LECTURE BECAUSE I WAS APPARENTLY NOT DOING ENOUGH TO HELP THIS BASE, PLEASE IMAGINE ME STICKING BOTH OF MY MIDDLE FINGERS UP IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION.
AND HOLD THAT VISUAL FOR THE REST OF THIS EXPLANATION.
OK SO THERE'S THIS RACE CALLED THE KHARAA AND THEY ARE FUCKING EVERYTHING UP.
THEY'RE MICROSCOPIC, POSSIBLY BACTERIAL BUT WHO THE FUCK EVEN KNOWS? WE SURE DON'T!
BASICALLY THEY SALVAGE BIOLOGICAL AND GENETIC MATERIAL FROM THE PLANETS THEY CONQUER, CREATING HOSTS FOR THEMSELVES.
IT'S PRETTY CREEPY? LET'S SAY THEY TAKE OVER, SHIT, I DON'T KNOW, HINATA? HE'D BE PERFECTLY AWARE THAT HE USED TO BE HUMAN BUT HE'D JUST NO LONGER GIVE ANY TYPE OF FUCK BECAUSE OF THE KHARAA INFLUENCE.
(AUTHOR'S NOTE: AS FAR AS I AM AWARE, HINATA IS NOT POSSESSED BY EVIL TINY ALIENS.)
WHEN THERE'S A LOT OF THEM IN ONE LOCATION, IT'LL LOOK LIKE MOSS OR ALGAE.
WHICH, I KNOW, COMPLETELY FUCKING HELPFUL WHEN WE'RE STUCK ON A WATER PLANET WHERE ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING LOOKS LIKE ALGAE.
ACCORDING TO BOTH NAOKO AND URSULA, THERE IS NO KNOWN WAY TO BEAT THEM AND EVERYONE WHO IS FIGHTING THEM IS LOSING THIS WAR.
WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH US, OBVIOUSLY, AS WE'RE NOT FROM HERE AND ARE CURRENTLY STRANDED ON THIS PLANET.
OH BTW, ALL THOSE THEORIES YOU GUYS HAD ABOUT THIS PLANET BEING SENTIENT? PAT YOURSELVES ON YOUR BACK AND GIVE YOURSELVES A COOL MEDAL.
IT'S WHY THEY KEEP SENDING SHIPS HERE TO TERRAFORM.
THEY SWITCHED TACTICS FROM "TRYING TO BEAT THE KHARAA" TO "RUNNING AS FAR AWAY FROM THE KHARAA AS POSSIBLE" WHICH MEANS FINDING NEW PLANETS TO SETTLE.
I BELIEVE NAOKO USED THE ANALOGY OF LITTLE FISH HIDING UNDERNEATH SHARKS TO HIDE FROM OTHER PREDATORS.
INIIDAE IS FUCKED UP AND HAS A BILLION THINGS THAT WANT TO KILL US, BUT APPARENTLY THAT'S PREFERABLY TO THE KHARAA. HURRAY.
ANYWAY, SINCE THIS PLANET HAS NATURAL DEFENSES (LIKE THE PULSE THAT KEEPS SHOOTING DOWN SHIPS), IT'S CONSIDERED ONE OF THE MORE VIABLE OPTIONS TO GET AWAY FROM THEM.
NAOKO SAID THAT THEY ONLY WANT TO USE A SMALL SECTION OF THE PLANET AND TERRAFORM IT.
PROBABLY BECAUSE IF THEY TRY TO EXPAND TOO MUCH THEN THE PLANET WOULD THROW A HISSY FIT AND ATTEMPT TO KILL EVERYONE.
I DON'T KNOW. GOD, INIIDAE SUCKS?
BUT *THAT'S* WHY URSULA WANTS US TO TERRAFORM THE PLANET.
NOT THAT SHE'S REALLY BEEN FORCING US TO DO ANYTHING, ACTUALLY.
CONSIDERING HOW HIGH PRIORITY THIS MISSION SEEMS TO BE, SHE IS PRETTY CHILL ABOUT US... DOING EVERYTHING EXCEPT TERRAFORMING.
I'M NOT TELLING YOU ALL THIS FOR EVERYONE TO START FREAKING OUT AND PREPARE TO GO TO BATTLE OR ANYTHING.
AS OF NOW, WE HAVE NO REASON TO BELIEVE THE KHARAA ARE ON THIS PLANET.
IF ANY OF THEIR SHIPS CAME, THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN SHOT DOWN JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHER ONES.
APPARENTLY THEY CAN'T DO MUCH WITHOUT HOST BODIES? AND PRESUMABLY WHATEVER HOST BODIES THEY'D BE IN WHEN CRASH LANDING AFTER THEIR SHIPS HAVE BEEN SHOT DOWN WOULD END UP DYING ON IMPACT.
YOU KNOW, SINCE MOST THINGS DO AFTER FALLING OUT OF THE SKY IN SOMETHING THAT IS PROBABLY ON FIRE.
WHICH, I WILL ONCE AGAIN REITERATE, IS *IF* THEY SOMEHOW ENDED UP HERE. WE HAVE NO EVIDENCE THAT SUGGESTS THAT SO DON'T FREAK OUT. OK? OK.
I GUESS, IF YOU WANT TO BE CAREFUL, DON'T GO POKING AT MOSS? I'M NOT SURE WHY YOU WOULD EVEN WANT TO DO THAT ANYWAY, BUT I CAN'T BE CERTAIN OF THE INTELLIGENCE LEVEL OF EVERY INDIVIDUAL IN THIS BASE.
I JUST THOUGHT YOU WOULD ALL BE INTERESTED IN WHY EVERYONE ELSE SEEMS TO KEEP COMING TO THIS PLANET EVEN THOUGH IT'S APPARENTLY THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE OF SPACE.
BTW CAN ANYONE EXPLAIN THAT REFERENCE TO ME? I STILL DON'T GET IT. BE MORE INCLUSIVE, ASSHOLES, NOT ALL OF US ARE FROM EARTH.
OH. RIGHT. ALSO DIRK WAS THERE TOO.
AND HE GOT SOME MORE SPECIFIC INFO ON ISHMAEL? YOU KNOW, THAT MILITARY AI THAT MAY OR MAY NOT CAUSE A PROBLEM FOR US.
HE'S APPARENTLY MADE OUT OF NANITES AND CAN TELEPORT ANYWHERE ON THE PLANET.
AND CAN MAKE HIMSELF WEAPONS, CHANGE HIS SHAPE AND SIZE, AND SHIT. AWESOME.
FROM WHAT WE'VE GATHERED, ISHMAEL IS THEIR BEST AND LAST DEFENSE AGAINST THE KHARAA ASIDE FROM RUNNING AWAY LIKE SCARED WIGGLERS.
HE IS ON THIS PLANET SOMEWHERE, SO WE MIGHT END UP RUNNING INTO HIM EVENTUALLY?
NAOKO SEEMED PRETTY CERTAIN THAT HE WOULDN'T HAVE SUSTAINED ANY DAMAGE FROM THE CRASH AND THE TIME HE HAS SPENT HERE SINCE THEN.
SHE ALSO SAID THAT HE WON'T ATTACK ANY HUMANS SINCE HE'S PROGRAMMED TO PROTECT THEM?
SO I GUESS... CONGRATU-FUCKING-LATIONS TO ALL OF YOU WHO ARE ACTUALLY HUMAN.
( ooc: these two are the threads in question where he and dirk talks to them if you want to see what exactly was said. all of this info is gonna be added to their database after this post so crew members can look it up if they want. )
AND I MEAN *ACTUALLY* IMPORTANT. STOP FEEDING THOSE DIGITAL CATS FOR TWO SECONDS AND READ THIS.
ANYWAY, SO I'M SURE EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT NAOKO'S GROUP OVER AT THAT ISLAND WITH THE VOLCANO.
AND HOW SHE MENTIONED SOME WAR THAT EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS SAD EXCUSE OF A UNIVERSE IS HAVING.
OR AT LEAST I ASSUME YOU ALL KNOW? A LOT OF YOU ARE NEW SO I HAVE NO CLUE HOW CAUGHT UP YOU GUYS ARE?
SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL, EVERY TIME I BLINK THERE'S SOMEONE ELSE FALLING OUT OF THE SKY OR SOMETHING DRAMATIC.
JUST CHILL WITH THESE ENTRANCES?
OK SO BACK TO THE MATTER AT HAND, WHICH I WILL REPEAT, IS PRETTY USEFUL INFORMATION TO KNOW SO DON'T JUST SKIP OVER READING THIS BECAUSE IT'S ME TALKING.
DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE.
FIRST OF ALL, I AM JUST GOING TO STATE THAT I AM DISAPPOINTED IN EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US WHO HAVE BEEN HERE SINCE WE DISCOVERED THAT ISLAND.
WHY DIDN'T ANY OF US THINK TO OURSELVES, "HM, THAT NAOKO LADY SURE IS BEING DODGY ABOUT TELLING US ABOUT THIS WAR. WHY DON'T WE ASK OUR FUCKING AI TO SEE IF SHE KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT IT?"
I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY *I* EVENTUALLY DID IT, SO YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THAT?
TO EVERYONE WHO GAVE ME A LECTURE BECAUSE I WAS APPARENTLY NOT DOING ENOUGH TO HELP THIS BASE, PLEASE IMAGINE ME STICKING BOTH OF MY MIDDLE FINGERS UP IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION.
AND HOLD THAT VISUAL FOR THE REST OF THIS EXPLANATION.
OK SO THERE'S THIS RACE CALLED THE KHARAA AND THEY ARE FUCKING EVERYTHING UP.
THEY'RE MICROSCOPIC, POSSIBLY BACTERIAL BUT WHO THE FUCK EVEN KNOWS? WE SURE DON'T!
BASICALLY THEY SALVAGE BIOLOGICAL AND GENETIC MATERIAL FROM THE PLANETS THEY CONQUER, CREATING HOSTS FOR THEMSELVES.
IT'S PRETTY CREEPY? LET'S SAY THEY TAKE OVER, SHIT, I DON'T KNOW, HINATA? HE'D BE PERFECTLY AWARE THAT HE USED TO BE HUMAN BUT HE'D JUST NO LONGER GIVE ANY TYPE OF FUCK BECAUSE OF THE KHARAA INFLUENCE.
(AUTHOR'S NOTE: AS FAR AS I AM AWARE, HINATA IS NOT POSSESSED BY EVIL TINY ALIENS.)
WHEN THERE'S A LOT OF THEM IN ONE LOCATION, IT'LL LOOK LIKE MOSS OR ALGAE.
WHICH, I KNOW, COMPLETELY FUCKING HELPFUL WHEN WE'RE STUCK ON A WATER PLANET WHERE ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING LOOKS LIKE ALGAE.
ACCORDING TO BOTH NAOKO AND URSULA, THERE IS NO KNOWN WAY TO BEAT THEM AND EVERYONE WHO IS FIGHTING THEM IS LOSING THIS WAR.
WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH US, OBVIOUSLY, AS WE'RE NOT FROM HERE AND ARE CURRENTLY STRANDED ON THIS PLANET.
OH BTW, ALL THOSE THEORIES YOU GUYS HAD ABOUT THIS PLANET BEING SENTIENT? PAT YOURSELVES ON YOUR BACK AND GIVE YOURSELVES A COOL MEDAL.
IT'S WHY THEY KEEP SENDING SHIPS HERE TO TERRAFORM.
THEY SWITCHED TACTICS FROM "TRYING TO BEAT THE KHARAA" TO "RUNNING AS FAR AWAY FROM THE KHARAA AS POSSIBLE" WHICH MEANS FINDING NEW PLANETS TO SETTLE.
I BELIEVE NAOKO USED THE ANALOGY OF LITTLE FISH HIDING UNDERNEATH SHARKS TO HIDE FROM OTHER PREDATORS.
INIIDAE IS FUCKED UP AND HAS A BILLION THINGS THAT WANT TO KILL US, BUT APPARENTLY THAT'S PREFERABLY TO THE KHARAA. HURRAY.
ANYWAY, SINCE THIS PLANET HAS NATURAL DEFENSES (LIKE THE PULSE THAT KEEPS SHOOTING DOWN SHIPS), IT'S CONSIDERED ONE OF THE MORE VIABLE OPTIONS TO GET AWAY FROM THEM.
NAOKO SAID THAT THEY ONLY WANT TO USE A SMALL SECTION OF THE PLANET AND TERRAFORM IT.
PROBABLY BECAUSE IF THEY TRY TO EXPAND TOO MUCH THEN THE PLANET WOULD THROW A HISSY FIT AND ATTEMPT TO KILL EVERYONE.
I DON'T KNOW. GOD, INIIDAE SUCKS?
BUT *THAT'S* WHY URSULA WANTS US TO TERRAFORM THE PLANET.
NOT THAT SHE'S REALLY BEEN FORCING US TO DO ANYTHING, ACTUALLY.
CONSIDERING HOW HIGH PRIORITY THIS MISSION SEEMS TO BE, SHE IS PRETTY CHILL ABOUT US... DOING EVERYTHING EXCEPT TERRAFORMING.
I'M NOT TELLING YOU ALL THIS FOR EVERYONE TO START FREAKING OUT AND PREPARE TO GO TO BATTLE OR ANYTHING.
AS OF NOW, WE HAVE NO REASON TO BELIEVE THE KHARAA ARE ON THIS PLANET.
IF ANY OF THEIR SHIPS CAME, THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN SHOT DOWN JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHER ONES.
APPARENTLY THEY CAN'T DO MUCH WITHOUT HOST BODIES? AND PRESUMABLY WHATEVER HOST BODIES THEY'D BE IN WHEN CRASH LANDING AFTER THEIR SHIPS HAVE BEEN SHOT DOWN WOULD END UP DYING ON IMPACT.
YOU KNOW, SINCE MOST THINGS DO AFTER FALLING OUT OF THE SKY IN SOMETHING THAT IS PROBABLY ON FIRE.
WHICH, I WILL ONCE AGAIN REITERATE, IS *IF* THEY SOMEHOW ENDED UP HERE. WE HAVE NO EVIDENCE THAT SUGGESTS THAT SO DON'T FREAK OUT. OK? OK.
I GUESS, IF YOU WANT TO BE CAREFUL, DON'T GO POKING AT MOSS? I'M NOT SURE WHY YOU WOULD EVEN WANT TO DO THAT ANYWAY, BUT I CAN'T BE CERTAIN OF THE INTELLIGENCE LEVEL OF EVERY INDIVIDUAL IN THIS BASE.
I JUST THOUGHT YOU WOULD ALL BE INTERESTED IN WHY EVERYONE ELSE SEEMS TO KEEP COMING TO THIS PLANET EVEN THOUGH IT'S APPARENTLY THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE OF SPACE.
BTW CAN ANYONE EXPLAIN THAT REFERENCE TO ME? I STILL DON'T GET IT. BE MORE INCLUSIVE, ASSHOLES, NOT ALL OF US ARE FROM EARTH.
OH. RIGHT. ALSO DIRK WAS THERE TOO.
AND HE GOT SOME MORE SPECIFIC INFO ON ISHMAEL? YOU KNOW, THAT MILITARY AI THAT MAY OR MAY NOT CAUSE A PROBLEM FOR US.
HE'S APPARENTLY MADE OUT OF NANITES AND CAN TELEPORT ANYWHERE ON THE PLANET.
AND CAN MAKE HIMSELF WEAPONS, CHANGE HIS SHAPE AND SIZE, AND SHIT. AWESOME.
FROM WHAT WE'VE GATHERED, ISHMAEL IS THEIR BEST AND LAST DEFENSE AGAINST THE KHARAA ASIDE FROM RUNNING AWAY LIKE SCARED WIGGLERS.
HE IS ON THIS PLANET SOMEWHERE, SO WE MIGHT END UP RUNNING INTO HIM EVENTUALLY?
NAOKO SEEMED PRETTY CERTAIN THAT HE WOULDN'T HAVE SUSTAINED ANY DAMAGE FROM THE CRASH AND THE TIME HE HAS SPENT HERE SINCE THEN.
SHE ALSO SAID THAT HE WON'T ATTACK ANY HUMANS SINCE HE'S PROGRAMMED TO PROTECT THEM?
SO I GUESS... CONGRATU-FUCKING-LATIONS TO ALL OF YOU WHO ARE ACTUALLY HUMAN.
( ooc: these two are the threads in question where he and dirk talks to them if you want to see what exactly was said. all of this info is gonna be added to their database after this post so crew members can look it up if they want. )
no subject
cool cool
jus t 1 queshion
that i
mustache u
r they cute
no subject
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO FLIRT WITH THE FUCKING KHARAA?
no subject
r they not hot?
or am i just not allowwed to hit on fckin nobody as per USUAL
no subject
I NEVER MET A KHARAA, ROXY.
BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT ON THIS PLANET.
no subject
got it
no subject
SURE, WHY THE FUCK NOT.
YOU CAN GO AND FLIRT WITH THE HOSTILE ALIENS.
MAYBE YOU ARE THE KEY TO OUR SURVIVAL IF THEY EVER APPEAR.
no subject
i have feminiine wiles out the ying yang
tamin bad boy aliebs is kind of a thing us strilonges r good at i think
i mean *gestures at u n davey*
le sign
rooooomanceeeee
u haev no idea how pent up i amn dude
[ why is she telling him this ]
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
i mean rly
its p sad
the story of my nonexistent love life
no subject
SO YES.
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR SAD, PATHETIC LOVE LIFE.
no subject
see theres nothin to tell
thats what im tellin u
its p pathetic
i wouldnt even know what to say about it
other than shit sux
ive come 2 terms with the fact that im gonna be an old crone with a buncha meowcatsh
no subject
YOU'LL NEVER FIND SOMEONE WITH THAT ATTITUDE.
I MEAN, LOOK AT ME.
LITERALLY NO ONE LIKES ME AND I STILL.
YOU KNOW. UH.
THE POINT IS I'M SURE THERE'S SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO LIKES BEING AGGRESSIVELY FLIRTED AT.
no subject
if a guy likes you arent they supposed to flirt back
uh
haha i meant 2 say yah theres def no one like that out there cuz believe u me ive checked
whoosp
*whoops
no subject
LOOK, ROXY.
MAYBE HE'S JUST SHY?
YOU CAN BE KIND OF FORWARD, MAYBE HE'S JUST NOT USED TO PEOPLE FLIRTING SO AGGRESSIVELY AT HIM?
AND I'M NOT SAYING YOUR METHOD IS BAD IF THAT'S WHAT WORKS FOR YOU.
BUT MAYBE YOU NEED TO FIND SOME MIDDLE GROUND SOMEWHERE.
private;
youd know all about aggressive flirtin not workin on john huh
*waggles eyebrows*
private;
*UNWAGGLES YOUR EYEBROWS*
NO!
private;
too lil too late
my eyebrows are sufficiently and irreversibly waggled
private;
ANYWAY, YOU HAVE A MUCH BETTER CHANCE OF GETTING TOGETHER WITH JOHN THAN I EVER DID.
IF I EVER WANTED TO DO THAT, WHICH I AM NOT ADMITTING IS A THING.
private;
you severely unnerestimate my luck here karkat
my luck is practically nonexistent btw :(
all u hot studs r either gay or taken or clueless
thats the reality of the situation
though w john + i its a biiiit more complicated than that
private;
BUT YOU GUYS DO HAVE THAT WHOLE... TIME DISCREPANCY GOING ON.
OK, ROXY. I AM GOING TO DENY EVER SAYING THIS BUT.
I ALSO THOUGHT I HAD ZERO LUCK IN THIS REGARD.
AND IT TURNED OUT I WAS WRONG?
I'M SURE EGBERT WILL GET THERE EVENTUALLY.
IF HE'S THE ONE YOU SPECIFICALLY WANT. IF NOT, I AM SURE THERE ARE NON-HOMOSEXUALS OUT HERE IN THIS BASE SOMEWHERE.
private;
hes def the one i want
i love him
so i guess that settles that then
imma hafta wait for him?
but um
what do you do when the feelin becomes too difficult to deal with
when it feels like youll never be truly be happy
and youre super lonely like
its bad enough not being able to get my mack on
but do you even know how awful it is sometimes being the only one of your friends + fam who remembers losing it all
private;
WELL... NO.
I DON'T. I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING FROM WHEN BEFORE JOHN DID WHATEVER THE FUCK HE DID.
I'M STILL NOT EVEN ENTIRELY SURE WHAT HAPPENED WITH THAT?
YOU CAN ALWAYS TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS THOUGH.
WHEN IT GETS REALLY HARD, I MEAN.
I'M PROBABLY THE ABSOLUTE WORST PERSON TO OFFER THIS ADVICE SINCE I TEND TO TRY TO DO EVERYTHING BY MYSELF AND I'M NOT VERY BIG ON SHARING MY FEELINGS OR WHATEVER WITH OTHERS.
BUT TALKING SHIT OUT INSTEAD OF JUST PRETENDING TO BE HAPPY ALL THE TIME MIGHT MAKE YOU LESS MISERABLE.
private;
i already bog dirk down with feelings jams on the daily
im probs harshin ur buzz as we speak
no one wants to listen to none of this survivors guilt bs
private;