text; attack of the info dump

[alienates]

OK SO EVERYONE, LISTEN UP. I HAVE SOME PRETTY IMPORTANT NEWS HERE.
AND I MEAN *ACTUALLY* IMPORTANT. STOP FEEDING THOSE DIGITAL CATS FOR TWO SECONDS AND READ THIS.

ANYWAY, SO I'M SURE EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT NAOKO'S GROUP OVER AT THAT ISLAND WITH THE VOLCANO.
AND HOW SHE MENTIONED SOME WAR THAT EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS SAD EXCUSE OF A UNIVERSE IS HAVING.
OR AT LEAST I ASSUME YOU ALL KNOW? A LOT OF YOU ARE NEW SO I HAVE NO CLUE HOW CAUGHT UP YOU GUYS ARE?
SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL, EVERY TIME I BLINK THERE'S SOMEONE ELSE FALLING OUT OF THE SKY OR SOMETHING DRAMATIC.
JUST CHILL WITH THESE ENTRANCES?
OK SO BACK TO THE MATTER AT HAND, WHICH I WILL REPEAT, IS PRETTY USEFUL INFORMATION TO KNOW SO DON'T JUST SKIP OVER READING THIS BECAUSE IT'S ME TALKING.
DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE.

FIRST OF ALL, I AM JUST GOING TO STATE THAT I AM DISAPPOINTED IN EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US WHO HAVE BEEN HERE SINCE WE DISCOVERED THAT ISLAND.
WHY DIDN'T ANY OF US THINK TO OURSELVES, "HM, THAT NAOKO LADY SURE IS BEING DODGY ABOUT TELLING US ABOUT THIS WAR. WHY DON'T WE ASK OUR FUCKING AI TO SEE IF SHE KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT IT?"
I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY *I* EVENTUALLY DID IT, SO YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THAT?
TO EVERYONE WHO GAVE ME A LECTURE BECAUSE I WAS APPARENTLY NOT DOING ENOUGH TO HELP THIS BASE, PLEASE IMAGINE ME STICKING BOTH OF MY MIDDLE FINGERS UP IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION.
AND HOLD THAT VISUAL FOR THE REST OF THIS EXPLANATION.

OK SO THERE'S THIS RACE CALLED THE KHARAA AND THEY ARE FUCKING EVERYTHING UP.
THEY'RE MICROSCOPIC, POSSIBLY BACTERIAL BUT WHO THE FUCK EVEN KNOWS? WE SURE DON'T!
BASICALLY THEY SALVAGE BIOLOGICAL AND GENETIC MATERIAL FROM THE PLANETS THEY CONQUER, CREATING HOSTS FOR THEMSELVES.
IT'S PRETTY CREEPY? LET'S SAY THEY TAKE OVER, SHIT, I DON'T KNOW, HINATA? HE'D BE PERFECTLY AWARE THAT HE USED TO BE HUMAN BUT HE'D JUST NO LONGER GIVE ANY TYPE OF FUCK BECAUSE OF THE KHARAA INFLUENCE.
(AUTHOR'S NOTE: AS FAR AS I AM AWARE, HINATA IS NOT POSSESSED BY EVIL TINY ALIENS.)
WHEN THERE'S A LOT OF THEM IN ONE LOCATION, IT'LL LOOK LIKE MOSS OR ALGAE.
WHICH, I KNOW, COMPLETELY FUCKING HELPFUL WHEN WE'RE STUCK ON A WATER PLANET WHERE ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING LOOKS LIKE ALGAE.
ACCORDING TO BOTH NAOKO AND URSULA, THERE IS NO KNOWN WAY TO BEAT THEM AND EVERYONE WHO IS FIGHTING THEM IS LOSING THIS WAR.

WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH US, OBVIOUSLY, AS WE'RE NOT FROM HERE AND ARE CURRENTLY STRANDED ON THIS PLANET.
OH BTW, ALL THOSE THEORIES YOU GUYS HAD ABOUT THIS PLANET BEING SENTIENT? PAT YOURSELVES ON YOUR BACK AND GIVE YOURSELVES A COOL MEDAL.
IT'S WHY THEY KEEP SENDING SHIPS HERE TO TERRAFORM.
THEY SWITCHED TACTICS FROM "TRYING TO BEAT THE KHARAA" TO "RUNNING AS FAR AWAY FROM THE KHARAA AS POSSIBLE" WHICH MEANS FINDING NEW PLANETS TO SETTLE.
I BELIEVE NAOKO USED THE ANALOGY OF LITTLE FISH HIDING UNDERNEATH SHARKS TO HIDE FROM OTHER PREDATORS.
INIIDAE IS FUCKED UP AND HAS A BILLION THINGS THAT WANT TO KILL US, BUT APPARENTLY THAT'S PREFERABLY TO THE KHARAA. HURRAY.
ANYWAY, SINCE THIS PLANET HAS NATURAL DEFENSES (LIKE THE PULSE THAT KEEPS SHOOTING DOWN SHIPS), IT'S CONSIDERED ONE OF THE MORE VIABLE OPTIONS TO GET AWAY FROM THEM.
NAOKO SAID THAT THEY ONLY WANT TO USE A SMALL SECTION OF THE PLANET AND TERRAFORM IT.
PROBABLY BECAUSE IF THEY TRY TO EXPAND TOO MUCH THEN THE PLANET WOULD THROW A HISSY FIT AND ATTEMPT TO KILL EVERYONE.
I DON'T KNOW. GOD, INIIDAE SUCKS?
BUT *THAT'S* WHY URSULA WANTS US TO TERRAFORM THE PLANET.
NOT THAT SHE'S REALLY BEEN FORCING US TO DO ANYTHING, ACTUALLY.
CONSIDERING HOW HIGH PRIORITY THIS MISSION SEEMS TO BE, SHE IS PRETTY CHILL ABOUT US... DOING EVERYTHING EXCEPT TERRAFORMING.

I'M NOT TELLING YOU ALL THIS FOR EVERYONE TO START FREAKING OUT AND PREPARE TO GO TO BATTLE OR ANYTHING.
AS OF NOW, WE HAVE NO REASON TO BELIEVE THE KHARAA ARE ON THIS PLANET.
IF ANY OF THEIR SHIPS CAME, THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN SHOT DOWN JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHER ONES.
APPARENTLY THEY CAN'T DO MUCH WITHOUT HOST BODIES? AND PRESUMABLY WHATEVER HOST BODIES THEY'D BE IN WHEN CRASH LANDING AFTER THEIR SHIPS HAVE BEEN SHOT DOWN WOULD END UP DYING ON IMPACT.
YOU KNOW, SINCE MOST THINGS DO AFTER FALLING OUT OF THE SKY IN SOMETHING THAT IS PROBABLY ON FIRE.
WHICH, I WILL ONCE AGAIN REITERATE, IS *IF* THEY SOMEHOW ENDED UP HERE. WE HAVE NO EVIDENCE THAT SUGGESTS THAT SO DON'T FREAK OUT. OK? OK.
I GUESS, IF YOU WANT TO BE CAREFUL, DON'T GO POKING AT MOSS? I'M NOT SURE WHY YOU WOULD EVEN WANT TO DO THAT ANYWAY, BUT I CAN'T BE CERTAIN OF THE INTELLIGENCE LEVEL OF EVERY INDIVIDUAL IN THIS BASE.
I JUST THOUGHT YOU WOULD ALL BE INTERESTED IN WHY EVERYONE ELSE SEEMS TO KEEP COMING TO THIS PLANET EVEN THOUGH IT'S APPARENTLY THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE OF SPACE.
BTW CAN ANYONE EXPLAIN THAT REFERENCE TO ME? I STILL DON'T GET IT. BE MORE INCLUSIVE, ASSHOLES, NOT ALL OF US ARE FROM EARTH.

OH. RIGHT. ALSO DIRK WAS THERE TOO.
AND HE GOT SOME MORE SPECIFIC INFO ON ISHMAEL? YOU KNOW, THAT MILITARY AI THAT MAY OR MAY NOT CAUSE A PROBLEM FOR US.
HE'S APPARENTLY MADE OUT OF NANITES AND CAN TELEPORT ANYWHERE ON THE PLANET.
AND CAN MAKE HIMSELF WEAPONS, CHANGE HIS SHAPE AND SIZE, AND SHIT. AWESOME.
FROM WHAT WE'VE GATHERED, ISHMAEL IS THEIR BEST AND LAST DEFENSE AGAINST THE KHARAA ASIDE FROM RUNNING AWAY LIKE SCARED WIGGLERS.
HE IS ON THIS PLANET SOMEWHERE, SO WE MIGHT END UP RUNNING INTO HIM EVENTUALLY?
NAOKO SEEMED PRETTY CERTAIN THAT HE WOULDN'T HAVE SUSTAINED ANY DAMAGE FROM THE CRASH AND THE TIME HE HAS SPENT HERE SINCE THEN.
SHE ALSO SAID THAT HE WON'T ATTACK ANY HUMANS SINCE HE'S PROGRAMMED TO PROTECT THEM?
SO I GUESS... CONGRATU-FUCKING-LATIONS TO ALL OF YOU WHO ARE ACTUALLY HUMAN.

( ooc: these two are the threads in question where he and dirk talks to them if you want to see what exactly was said. all of this info is gonna be added to their database after this post so crew members can look it up if they want. )

Comments

[alienates]

[ karkat is literally just a stack of contradictions wearing a trench coat and hat while pretending to be a person. his hobbies include complaining about things while continuing to do said things and starting up a fuss when people suggest he does not do them. he can very easily just not do any of this, and yet. ]

OH GOD.
ANYWAY.
YOU MADE ME ANSWER ALL THOSE QUESTIONS BUT YOU DIDN'T ANSWER THEM YOURSELF.
KIND OF RUDE, ISN'T IT?

[onethousen]

[ yet he persists... and chihiro lets out a soft snort of amusement. hey, she knows she's not being rude! he hadn't asked her in turn, so she wouldn't have wanted to intrude on him with her own preferences. gosh!

but apparently he does want to be friends because now he's engaging? what an interesting person??? honestly, she's not sure why he's doing the haku kind of duplicity, unless that's just how he's used to acting. say one thing, mean another? she guesses a lot of people do end up doing that... ]

Oh, I didn't know you wanted to hear my answers too! Which question would you like answered first?

[ SUCH GOOD... FRIENDSHIP BEGINNINGS??? ]

[alienates]

JUST ANSWER THEM ALL IN ORDER, OBVIOUSLY.
IT'S EASIER THAT WAY.

[ ... says the guy who did not bother to answer all the questions??

he won't point this out though because, why would he? if chihiro mentions it he'd just ignore it. ]

[onethousen]

Okay, if that's what you want? I'll answer what you did.

[ look he doesn't have to hear about her favourite colours! ]

I've kind of already said I'm ten human years old. I've been to school. I was going to be starting at a new one after I moved. Dragons are kind, in my experiences. I'm fond of the one I know best. I haven't played any organised "sportsball." I'm not sure if I'll change that in junior high school. (That's the next level of school after where I am now.) I like books where things happen, I guess? Adventure stories can be fun, or stories about friends. I don't have a favourite game. I like all kinds of things but I really want taiyaki. I don't think anything like that's here. I don't like natto. I haven't been here long, but I guess if I had to answer, it's that people are really nice and willing to work together. That kindness is appreciated. I like action movies, and all different kinds of movies. So yes, I've seen movies too! I've also been flying, with a friend. Or more than one friend. It was fun getting to fly with him.

[ PHEW did she cover them all, she doesn't... remember, precisely. since he never owned up to answering about friends, she's not sure if she should answer that one. ??? ]

[alienates]

[ he does not mind that she didn't because he is ready to move on from friendship topics. let's not reopen that one, chihiro. ]

DID YOU KNOW DRAGONS BEFORE YOU CAME HERE? SPORTSBALL SEEMS DUMB ANYWAY SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT. THINGS HAPPEN IN MOST BOOKS, IT'S CALLED PLOT. WHAT THE FUCK IS TAIYAKI AND NATTO. WHO HAVE YOU MET HERE WHO'S NICE? UGH NO WONDER YOU KEPT ASKING ME ABOUT FLYING.

[onethousen]

[ they're still talking about friends... the friendship trap remains forever around ]

I did, right before I got here. Yeah, but not all plots are interesting? Taiyaki is like... waffles shaped like fish with things inside. Red bean paste is good! Natto is just gross you don't want to know about it. As far as who, it's been everyone? You, D.Va, Peter, Roderick, Korra, Hajime, Mr. Ghost, Kanaya, the Magister? Oh, then the white haired guy, too.

[ Fistbumping seems nice??? ]

[alienates]

[ did she just call him nice..... ]

OBVIOUSLY NOT ALL PLOTS ARE INTERESTING BUT SHIT STILL HAPPENS IN BORING ONES. WHAT'S A WAFFLE? AND RED BEAN PASTE? I'LL TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT ON NATTO. I'VE MET MOST OF THOSE PEOPLE. DO YOU MEAN MIKLEO? HE HAS WHITE HAIR. DID YOU FISTBUMP THE MAGISTER?

[onethousen]

[ where is the lie, he's answered most her questions, implied he wants to hear them in return, and uh. yeah look he's nice from her point of view???

granted she's okay with people who tried to eat her like, five minutes ago, because Sometimes Places Mess You Up. ]

Waffles are... bread but not bread? They come in an interesting pattern. Red bean paste is what you make from boiled red beans that you mash, I think. Maybe you add sugar? Not too much, though, or I guess more if you like it really sweet. Natto is also beans but they're fermented and its gross and I think my dad makes me try them because his dad said he had to because it's a tradition but I'm not sure it is, really. I don't think it was Mikleo? Or maybe it was? Yes, I fistbumped with the Magister. The Magister was very kind. We fist bumped twice.

[alienates]

WAFFLES SOUND OK I GUESS. IDK ABOUT RED BEAN PASTE. THE WAY YOU DESCRIBED NATTO JUST SOUNDS GROSS SO I AM GOING TO TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT. I AM TECHNICALLY THE MAGISTER'S STEP-FATHER OR SOMETHING, I AM NOT EXACTLY SURE HOW THAT ALL WORKS OR IF I AM USING THE CORRECT TERM. WHAT EVEN IS A STEP-FATHER.

[onethousen]

A step-father is the person that marries your mother after your father and mother have either... gotten separated, or if you father dies.

[ she'll just take the whole "the magister is officially an adopted person on this base" in stride. ]

[alienates]

WHAT?
I THOUGHT THAT WAS A THING THAT WAS JUST MADE UP FOR MOVIES.
WHAT THE FUCK, EVERY TIME I THINK THIS FAMILY NONSENSE CAN'T GET ANY MORE CONVOLUTED I JUST KEEP GETTING PROVEN WRONG.

[onethousen]

Families can be complicated. I don't think they work the same in every place on Earth, either, so... I don't know. It's not made up though! Step parents are true. So are step-kids.

[alienates]

I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE HUMANS HAD THE NERVE TO CALL US TROLLS WEIRD WHEN YOU HAVE ALL THIS SHIT.
DOES THIS MEAN YOU HAVE STEP-UNCLES TOO.
PLEASE SAY NO.

[onethousen]

I'm not sure. Maybe you could. I don't think I've ever heard someone say that, but if you were really close to an uncle or aunt before, you might call a new uncle or aunt your step-uncle or step-aunt or your aunt's second husband or your uncle's second wife if you wanted to be clear?

What are troll families like?

[alienates]

WELL FIRST OF FUCKING ALL, WE DON'T HAVE ANY OF THIS UNCLE BULLSHIT.
OR PARENTS.
OR SIBLINGS?
WE DON'T REALLY HAVE "FAMILIES" AS YOU ALL CALL IT.
WE'RE RAISED BY OUR LUSUS, WHICH I GUESS YOU GUYS WOULD CALL A MONSTER.
BUT IT'S A MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL RELATIONSHIP.

[onethousen]

Kanaya mentioned something like that. I guess... the thing is, I think we'd call your lusus kind of your guardian and family, if it raised you. Because monsters are the things that are supposed to scare and eat you. Or they're the things people call other things because they don't understand who they really are.

So maybe they're monstrous, but they're not monsters, when they and you are important to each other, and not... eating each other.

[alienates]

WELL, I MEAN. DON'T GET ME WRONG.
A LUSUS CAN STILL VERY MUCH EAT YOU.
LIKE I SAID, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL RELATIONSHIP.
SO IF THEY DIDN'T FEEL LIKE WE WERE DOING OUR JOBS THEY'D PROBABLY EAT US OR SOMETHING.
AND IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO THEM, LIKE A FREAK ACCIDENT, AND THEY DIED, WE WOULD GET CULLED FOR IT?
WHICH I ASSUME IS NOT A THING FOR HUMANS.

[onethousen]

I'm not sure it is, because I'm not sure if culled means to you what it means to me. If it means kill, then um. Not where I'm from, at least. I can't say that's true for all humans. The world is a big, weird place, and in the spirit world, you could get eaten if you weren't pulling your weight. Or offended someone.

[alienates]

IT DEFINITELY MEANS KILLED.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THE SPIRIT WORLD?

[onethousen]

Then no, children in my country aren't generally killed by their parents or guardians.

It's the place I was leaving before I ended up falling here.

[alienates]

MY LUSUS ENDED UP DYING ANYWAY.
BUT THEN EVERYONE ELSE DIED SO I NEVER GOT CULLED FOR IT.
SO I GUESS YOU CAN SAY I LUCKED OUT THERE EXCEPT IN THE ABSOLUTE WORST POSSIBLE DEFINITION OF THE WORD "LUCK".

WHY WERE YOU IN SOMETHING CALLED THE SPIRIT WORLD?
ARE YOU DEAD?
ALTHOUGH IF YOU WERE *LEAVING* IT THEN MAYBE NOT.

[onethousen]

I'm sorry. Not for you being okay, but that your lusus died.

I wasn't dead, though I came close while there a few times, I guess? Anyway, I'm alive, and the Spirit World, or the Spirit Realm, is where the spirits and the souls of the dead live. Though spirits can move between that place and the human world.

[alienates]

IT WAS A THING THAT WAS MEANT TO HAPPEN NO MATTER WHAT.
I MEAN, IT STILL SUCKED.

WELL. SINCE YOU ARE NOT A SPIRIT OR DEAD, HOW THE FUCK DID YOU END UP THERE THEN?
DID YOU BREAK IN?

[onethousen]

Um, it has to happen no matter what? That really... sucks.

My parents cross this river in an abandoned theme park and I was with them. Then they started eating food that wasn't theirs and anyway the sun set and Haku told me to get back across the river, only it was too late, and my parents had been turned into pigs.

I crossed over, though that's not supposed to happen often or easily if you're not dead. We're all alive. I fought to make sure we stayed that way.

[alienates]

YEAH. IT WAS PART OF THE RULES FOR THE GAME.

WAIT. WAIT, BACK UP.
WHO TURNED THEM INTO PIGS? WHO'S HAKU AGAIN?