subnautica | DECEMBER 2ND, birthday armageddon action mingle

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DECEMBER 2ND, birthday armageddon action mingle

So, anyone in the entertainment room area come December 2nd will be subjected to a ridiculous clash of colors and decorations. While the only advertisement was word-of-mouth, it's a six-way birthday party although none of the guests of honor seem to care if people actually celebrate their birthdays; it's possible to just come by for cake and/or random hangouts. The room seems to be divvied up into six pie slices with decorations, with a table in the middle with six cakes. The slices are kind of variable but easy enough to match up to their respective "owner": Jade's is neon green paired with white decoration-wise and seems to mostly be dog themed, although there's also more glitter in her slice than anywhere else; Jake's is less neon green paired with black and the collective Dave-and-Rose decoration committee apparently decided skulls was as good a theme as anything; Dave's is red and black and records although also just really dumb sbahj drawings which tbh have infected the other slices aside from Rose's; Dirk's is orange-and-white and robots; Rose's is purple-and-black and wizards and octopi; Roxy's is pink-and-white and cats and wizards. None of the decorations really seem intended to mesh with any other slices' decorations at all?

The cakes are equally mismatched, although some of them work together. Jade got a Bec-head shaped cake; Jake got another...skull...THEY TRIED, OKAY JAKE; Dave elected himself for hella jeff; Dirk got assigned sweet bro because Rose couldn't convince Dave to Not; Rose herself got a very disturbing octopus tentacle thing, what the fuck Rose; and Roxy got a cat.

There are like six pinatas in various colors and some party games and a movie marathon that seems to have literally no theme beyond being chosen by Dave and Rose and therefore the theme might actually be "what movie will annoy my sibling most" back and forth. So there's. Just a super variety of stuff there. And there's music which Dave seems to have been in control of, although most of it is lowkey so that's nice???

Sorry if you wanted to do something in this room related to not this hot mess today, BUT AT LEAST THEY'RE NOT DOING SIX SEPARATE PARTIES??? Also there are party hats in the colors of each slice (with a dumb paper crown in slice colors for each birthday kid) so pick your poison. There's a generic and very messy "HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY" banner so apparently it's just. 6 17s? Nice.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Fuck yeah you did.

[ they both have a problem of taking the damn blindfold off? that is not how you play, you losers. karkat checks to see if any candy fell out... no.

but there is a small hole now? so that's a thing. ]

Hit it again.

[Jade reacts on instinct to "hit it again" and just wallops the thing without putting the blindfold back on. Whoops? At least such a direct attack is enough to split the thing open, unleashing all of its candy innards for consumption.]

Uh... well, at least we got the candy out?

It still counts.

[ he bends down to start digging through the candy for whatever's good... he should probably let jade get first pick since she's the one who hit it but nah. ]

Do you all celebrate your wriggling days by beating up shit until they break open?

[Jade lets him go in first. There's plenty of candy to go around, and she's not exactly picky when it comes to sweet things.]

You know... I am not sure! This is the first wriggling day that I have celebrated with other people. I am not sure if it's common or just something that Dave and Rose and everybody else like to do.

[ oh right, she was one of the ones raised by herself mostly. ]

I feel like it could go either way, because it seems stupid enough to be something they'd enjoy ironically, but also stupid enough to be a thing in general.

[ trolls might like it, actually. it wouldn't have been filled with candy though. ]

[let's not think too hard about what would be inside a troll pinata]

So... I guess it is a mystery! Because if it was something that Rose and Dave made up, they would definitely still pretend like it was a normal thing.

Oh my fuck, you have no idea how terrible the meteor trip was because of that! I am pretty sure any time they were alone together they were just trying to figure out fun ways to fuck with the rest of us.

[ karkat is still confused about how most holidays work because they just? kept making shit up?? ]

[There's a small pang of something in Jade's chest at the reminder of all those years she missed, but she's remarkably good at keeping up a smiling face.]

I would not be surprised if that is exactly what happened! Those two are incredibly sneaky and devious. Especially together!

I'm surprised it took them so long to figure out they're related.

[ even if human family relationships still seem entirely unnecessary to karkat? like he was finally accepting the concept of siblings and parents, but then they had to start explaining extended family? it all sounds fake. ]

Well, they did live in totally different places with parents who did not seem to know each other! Usually people who are related grow up together, so you don't usually think that random people from the internet are your siblings.

[At least, this is what Jade has gathered from popular media. She can't really claim to be an expert in this kind of thing.]

There's actually an Earth movie kind of like that. The Parent Trap? Except instead of meeting each other on the internet and then entering a world ending, universe creating game, they met at what's called a summer camp.

[ so rose and dave are like, lindsay lohan. and jade and john? everyone is lindsay. ]

[lindsay lohan-stuck]

That's true! But I think that is just a movie. Things like that don't usually happen. [Beat.] Only I guess they did happen? Twice. But Sburb is a weird situation! And we weren't made like normal human babies are.

How does that work anyway?

[ karkat don't ask where human babies come from ]

I've seen like... pregnant women? In media? But why did they eat the baby?

[Jade sure as hell walked into that one, didn't she?]

Well... most human women have something called a womb! It is kind of like... [What's something a troll would know about for a reference point?] like an internal egg? It has all of the nutritious stuff that eggs do, but instead of a shell, it is an organ. So after a man has... fertilized it... the baby grows in there! No eating involved!

So she just walks around with the human wiggler inside her. That seems high inconvenient and uncomfortable.

[ wait. ]

How do you get it out?

There's a small passage between her legs that will widen enough for her to push the baby through when it's ready to come out. There are also surgeries where doctors can just cut out the baby if things are going wrong or the mom wants to schedule when the baby is born, though.

[Jade rattles all of this off as fast as she can so that she doesn't have to think too much about it.]

What the fuck you cut her open?

[ he glances down at the remains of the pinata. ]

Oh my god this is just like a human mother.

[Jade looks down at the pinata and simply falls silent for a moment.]

Um.

[Give her a second to think.]

No?

No, they don't... they don't beat moms open with bats to get the babies out. That would be bad.

But you are still ripping out her insides, which is basically the same concept!

[ he unwraps a piece of candy and sticks it in his mouth. ]

Fucking barbaric.

It's not barbaric! The incisions are very precise and they stitch her up again afterwords! We don't stitch up... the pinatas...

[Jade looks down at the pinata. It looks back up at her with pitiful, paper mache eyes. The part of Jade Harley's heart that loves stuffed animals suddenly goes into overdrive.]

Oh my god, we need to stitch up the pinata. It's hurt!

[ what

he glances down at it, unsure of how they will save it after they took out its innards. ]

Do you have shit to stitch it up with?

Not on hand, I guess, but... there's probably something to stitch it up on the ship, right? Or glue? I bet glue would work too!

[ karkat goes to pick up a piece of the pinata.... and watches as even more candy falls out of it ]

We can still eat its insides though right?

Yeah, of course. It is made out of paper. It does not need the candy to function.

[Jade goes to help him properly empty out the pinata before its reattachment surgery takes place, teleporting some pieces of candy back to her workstation for future consumption.]

[ karkat is silent for a few seconds before looking back at jade ]

So if you weren't a player in the game, you would have been forced out of some tunnel in a lady's womb egg?

[ he's still stuck on this ]

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oh my god????

i'm....i'm so sorry

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