text; attack of the info dump

[alienates]

OK SO EVERYONE, LISTEN UP. I HAVE SOME PRETTY IMPORTANT NEWS HERE.
AND I MEAN *ACTUALLY* IMPORTANT. STOP FEEDING THOSE DIGITAL CATS FOR TWO SECONDS AND READ THIS.

ANYWAY, SO I'M SURE EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT NAOKO'S GROUP OVER AT THAT ISLAND WITH THE VOLCANO.
AND HOW SHE MENTIONED SOME WAR THAT EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS SAD EXCUSE OF A UNIVERSE IS HAVING.
OR AT LEAST I ASSUME YOU ALL KNOW? A LOT OF YOU ARE NEW SO I HAVE NO CLUE HOW CAUGHT UP YOU GUYS ARE?
SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL, EVERY TIME I BLINK THERE'S SOMEONE ELSE FALLING OUT OF THE SKY OR SOMETHING DRAMATIC.
JUST CHILL WITH THESE ENTRANCES?
OK SO BACK TO THE MATTER AT HAND, WHICH I WILL REPEAT, IS PRETTY USEFUL INFORMATION TO KNOW SO DON'T JUST SKIP OVER READING THIS BECAUSE IT'S ME TALKING.
DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE.

FIRST OF ALL, I AM JUST GOING TO STATE THAT I AM DISAPPOINTED IN EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US WHO HAVE BEEN HERE SINCE WE DISCOVERED THAT ISLAND.
WHY DIDN'T ANY OF US THINK TO OURSELVES, "HM, THAT NAOKO LADY SURE IS BEING DODGY ABOUT TELLING US ABOUT THIS WAR. WHY DON'T WE ASK OUR FUCKING AI TO SEE IF SHE KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT IT?"
I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY *I* EVENTUALLY DID IT, SO YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THAT?
TO EVERYONE WHO GAVE ME A LECTURE BECAUSE I WAS APPARENTLY NOT DOING ENOUGH TO HELP THIS BASE, PLEASE IMAGINE ME STICKING BOTH OF MY MIDDLE FINGERS UP IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION.
AND HOLD THAT VISUAL FOR THE REST OF THIS EXPLANATION.

OK SO THERE'S THIS RACE CALLED THE KHARAA AND THEY ARE FUCKING EVERYTHING UP.
THEY'RE MICROSCOPIC, POSSIBLY BACTERIAL BUT WHO THE FUCK EVEN KNOWS? WE SURE DON'T!
BASICALLY THEY SALVAGE BIOLOGICAL AND GENETIC MATERIAL FROM THE PLANETS THEY CONQUER, CREATING HOSTS FOR THEMSELVES.
IT'S PRETTY CREEPY? LET'S SAY THEY TAKE OVER, SHIT, I DON'T KNOW, HINATA? HE'D BE PERFECTLY AWARE THAT HE USED TO BE HUMAN BUT HE'D JUST NO LONGER GIVE ANY TYPE OF FUCK BECAUSE OF THE KHARAA INFLUENCE.
(AUTHOR'S NOTE: AS FAR AS I AM AWARE, HINATA IS NOT POSSESSED BY EVIL TINY ALIENS.)
WHEN THERE'S A LOT OF THEM IN ONE LOCATION, IT'LL LOOK LIKE MOSS OR ALGAE.
WHICH, I KNOW, COMPLETELY FUCKING HELPFUL WHEN WE'RE STUCK ON A WATER PLANET WHERE ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING LOOKS LIKE ALGAE.
ACCORDING TO BOTH NAOKO AND URSULA, THERE IS NO KNOWN WAY TO BEAT THEM AND EVERYONE WHO IS FIGHTING THEM IS LOSING THIS WAR.

WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH US, OBVIOUSLY, AS WE'RE NOT FROM HERE AND ARE CURRENTLY STRANDED ON THIS PLANET.
OH BTW, ALL THOSE THEORIES YOU GUYS HAD ABOUT THIS PLANET BEING SENTIENT? PAT YOURSELVES ON YOUR BACK AND GIVE YOURSELVES A COOL MEDAL.
IT'S WHY THEY KEEP SENDING SHIPS HERE TO TERRAFORM.
THEY SWITCHED TACTICS FROM "TRYING TO BEAT THE KHARAA" TO "RUNNING AS FAR AWAY FROM THE KHARAA AS POSSIBLE" WHICH MEANS FINDING NEW PLANETS TO SETTLE.
I BELIEVE NAOKO USED THE ANALOGY OF LITTLE FISH HIDING UNDERNEATH SHARKS TO HIDE FROM OTHER PREDATORS.
INIIDAE IS FUCKED UP AND HAS A BILLION THINGS THAT WANT TO KILL US, BUT APPARENTLY THAT'S PREFERABLY TO THE KHARAA. HURRAY.
ANYWAY, SINCE THIS PLANET HAS NATURAL DEFENSES (LIKE THE PULSE THAT KEEPS SHOOTING DOWN SHIPS), IT'S CONSIDERED ONE OF THE MORE VIABLE OPTIONS TO GET AWAY FROM THEM.
NAOKO SAID THAT THEY ONLY WANT TO USE A SMALL SECTION OF THE PLANET AND TERRAFORM IT.
PROBABLY BECAUSE IF THEY TRY TO EXPAND TOO MUCH THEN THE PLANET WOULD THROW A HISSY FIT AND ATTEMPT TO KILL EVERYONE.
I DON'T KNOW. GOD, INIIDAE SUCKS?
BUT *THAT'S* WHY URSULA WANTS US TO TERRAFORM THE PLANET.
NOT THAT SHE'S REALLY BEEN FORCING US TO DO ANYTHING, ACTUALLY.
CONSIDERING HOW HIGH PRIORITY THIS MISSION SEEMS TO BE, SHE IS PRETTY CHILL ABOUT US... DOING EVERYTHING EXCEPT TERRAFORMING.

I'M NOT TELLING YOU ALL THIS FOR EVERYONE TO START FREAKING OUT AND PREPARE TO GO TO BATTLE OR ANYTHING.
AS OF NOW, WE HAVE NO REASON TO BELIEVE THE KHARAA ARE ON THIS PLANET.
IF ANY OF THEIR SHIPS CAME, THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN SHOT DOWN JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHER ONES.
APPARENTLY THEY CAN'T DO MUCH WITHOUT HOST BODIES? AND PRESUMABLY WHATEVER HOST BODIES THEY'D BE IN WHEN CRASH LANDING AFTER THEIR SHIPS HAVE BEEN SHOT DOWN WOULD END UP DYING ON IMPACT.
YOU KNOW, SINCE MOST THINGS DO AFTER FALLING OUT OF THE SKY IN SOMETHING THAT IS PROBABLY ON FIRE.
WHICH, I WILL ONCE AGAIN REITERATE, IS *IF* THEY SOMEHOW ENDED UP HERE. WE HAVE NO EVIDENCE THAT SUGGESTS THAT SO DON'T FREAK OUT. OK? OK.
I GUESS, IF YOU WANT TO BE CAREFUL, DON'T GO POKING AT MOSS? I'M NOT SURE WHY YOU WOULD EVEN WANT TO DO THAT ANYWAY, BUT I CAN'T BE CERTAIN OF THE INTELLIGENCE LEVEL OF EVERY INDIVIDUAL IN THIS BASE.
I JUST THOUGHT YOU WOULD ALL BE INTERESTED IN WHY EVERYONE ELSE SEEMS TO KEEP COMING TO THIS PLANET EVEN THOUGH IT'S APPARENTLY THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE OF SPACE.
BTW CAN ANYONE EXPLAIN THAT REFERENCE TO ME? I STILL DON'T GET IT. BE MORE INCLUSIVE, ASSHOLES, NOT ALL OF US ARE FROM EARTH.

OH. RIGHT. ALSO DIRK WAS THERE TOO.
AND HE GOT SOME MORE SPECIFIC INFO ON ISHMAEL? YOU KNOW, THAT MILITARY AI THAT MAY OR MAY NOT CAUSE A PROBLEM FOR US.
HE'S APPARENTLY MADE OUT OF NANITES AND CAN TELEPORT ANYWHERE ON THE PLANET.
AND CAN MAKE HIMSELF WEAPONS, CHANGE HIS SHAPE AND SIZE, AND SHIT. AWESOME.
FROM WHAT WE'VE GATHERED, ISHMAEL IS THEIR BEST AND LAST DEFENSE AGAINST THE KHARAA ASIDE FROM RUNNING AWAY LIKE SCARED WIGGLERS.
HE IS ON THIS PLANET SOMEWHERE, SO WE MIGHT END UP RUNNING INTO HIM EVENTUALLY?
NAOKO SEEMED PRETTY CERTAIN THAT HE WOULDN'T HAVE SUSTAINED ANY DAMAGE FROM THE CRASH AND THE TIME HE HAS SPENT HERE SINCE THEN.
SHE ALSO SAID THAT HE WON'T ATTACK ANY HUMANS SINCE HE'S PROGRAMMED TO PROTECT THEM?
SO I GUESS... CONGRATU-FUCKING-LATIONS TO ALL OF YOU WHO ARE ACTUALLY HUMAN.

( ooc: these two are the threads in question where he and dirk talks to them if you want to see what exactly was said. all of this info is gonna be added to their database after this post so crew members can look it up if they want. )

Comments

[onethousen]

I think you're right! It's best to focus on the things we know are real problems, and not worry about the ones that aren't right now. It's good to know more about what's out there. We still need to handle whatever's here!

I'm not sure what that is yet, but yeah, it's got to be handled first.

[alienates]

.....
I SWEAR I FEEL LIKE I'M TALKING TO A MOTIVATIONAL POSTER EVERY TIME YOU REPLY?

[onethousen]

[ LMAO KARKAT ]

Aren't those the kind of posters they hang on the wall that are telling you to do your best or hang in there with kittens falling off branches?

[alienates]

THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
I HAVE ONLY BEEN VERY RECENTLY INTRODUCED TO THEM BECAUSE WE HAD NO SUCH THING WHERE I'M FROM BUT YOU DEFINITELY GIVE OFF THAT VIBE.

[onethousen]

Um, thank you? I think. Really I wish they'd just help the kitten instead of leaving it hanging, but I guess we all learn to pull ourselves up or fall down on our own eventually.

[ unintentionally intensifying his point but look these are the lessons she learned in the spirit world?! ]

[alienates]

I HONESTLY CANNOT TELL IF YOU'RE DOING IT ON PURPOSE NOW OR IF THAT WAS GENUINE.
IT'S PROBABLY THE LATTER?
URSULA PROBABLY LOVES YOU.

[onethousen]

I haven't spoken much with URSULA. I should probably change that.

Oh! I'm sorry, I should have introduced myself before now. My name's Chihiro. It's nice to meet you.

[alienates]

[ karkat actually does not like URSULA that much but his reasons are petty lmao ]

I'M KARKAT.
IT'S... NICE TO MEET YOU TOO?

[ karkat why are you typing it as a question ]

[onethousen]

[ the problem is after saying that she's not sure what else to say, or... if that's a question? ]

I'm glad. Have you been here for a long time, Karkat?

[ yes that'll work roll in with the how long have you been on this world question ]

[alienates]

JUST ABOUT TWO MONTHS.
THAT'S TWO MONTHS LONGER THAN I WANT TO BE HERE.

[onethousen]

[ why this... her last off world adventure lasted maaaaybe three days, that was already super long. ]

How long has the person you mentioned talking to been here on this world?

[alienates]

NAOKO HAS BEEN STUCK HERE FOR ABOUT...
SHIT, SEVEN MONTHS, I THINK?
BUT THE DIFFERENCE IS THAT SHE ACTUALLY BELONGS TO THIS UNIVERSE.
HER SHIP CRASH LANDED HERE.

[onethousen]

Yeah. I guess I wonder if she's been here long, has she either managed to talk with the world, or contact Mr. Ishmael that you mentioned, too. I mean, however we get here, or... whatever we do that gets us here, if we find a way out, she'd probably want to know too.

Um. Can these bacteria guys cross universes? Or... I don't know. Do you think Naoko would want to run away to one of our worlds, if she and her friends could? If it was someplace the bacteria people couldn't grow and follow.

[alienates]

SHE HASN'T MET ISHMAEL.
SHE'S A HUGE FAN OF HIS AND REALLY WANTS TO THOUGH.
WHICH IS WHY I THINK SHE'D BE PRETTY FUCKING USELESS TO US IF WE EVER HAD TO BATTLE HIM.

AND I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, PROBABLY, IF THEY HAD THE MEANS.
COMING HERE WASN'T THE FIRST TIME I'VE CROSSED TO A DIFFERENT UNIVERSE SO THAT MEANS OTHER PEOPLE THEORETICALLY WOULD BE ABLE TO DO IT TO.
SO IF THE KHARAA COULD FIND A HOST BODY WHO CAN CROSS DIFFERENT DIMENSIONS BY WILL, THEN THEY'D BE ABLE TO USE THAT POWER TOO, RIGHT?
JEGUS FUCK THAT'S TERRIFYING.

[onethousen]

Has she tried? If she has, we might want to not do whatever she's been doing, since it doesn't seem to be working...

I guess they would, but I don't think they will? Or like you said, there's nothing to say they're here. They just exist, like all kinds of things exist. That's one possibility out of many. I'd prefer to believe we can figure out how to get back home before anything like that's a real problem, not just "a problem that might be possible."

It's more possible that Naoko would want to leave too, isn't it? Because we know she's here. She and her friends, and Mr. Ishmael. Though um. Would AIs have problems with the bacteria people, the Kharaa, if they only hurt people who aren't made of mechanical parts? Do they hurt machines when they destroy stuff?

[ she really doesn't understand all this science fiction stuff, to a point where she's not sure what she should worry about, and that comes after learning what she could worry about.

... focusing on getting home? okay, that's the best plan. all this other stuff is giving her a headache. ]

[alienates]

I THINK WE MIGHT HAVE A BETTER CHANCE OF FINDING HIM THAN SHE DOES.
PROBABLY?
WE ACTUALLY HAVEN'T SEEN WHERE SHE'S STAYING BECAUSE SHE JUST MEETS US AT THE BEACH.
SO WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF SETUP SHE HAS WHERE SHE'S LIVING.
BUT I ASSUME WE HAVE THE MORE ADVANCED SETUP SINCE SHE HAD TO RUN FROM A SHIPWRECK.
PLUS, WE HAVE URSULA.

I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT NAOKO WOULD WANT TBH.
EVEN IF THIS UNIVERSE IS A SHITHOLE, SHE HAS NO WAY OF KNOWING IF ANY OF OURS ARE ANY BETTER.
ALL SHE HAS IS OUR WORD TO GO, AND I DON'T THINK SHE COMPLETELY TRUSTS US ENOUGH FOR THAT.

I THINK THAT DEPENDS ON HOW MUCH OF THEM IS MECHANICAL.
IN AIS, THEY'RE COMPLETELY, SO IT WOULDN'T AFFECT THEM?
BUT URSULA IS PROGRAMMED TO HELP HER CREW, AND ISHMAEL IS TO PROTECT HUMANS.
SO IF WE'RE GONE, THEN WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY GOING TO DO?
THEIR PURPOSE WILL BE GONE.

[onethousen]

[ do AI's just talk better with other AI's, who is to know ]

Sometimes when you have no choice about going back anyway, so finding a way forward and making your own new home is important. So I guess she might not want to leave this universe even if she could.

I don't know. What was URSULA doing before we were here? Can AI's not find a new purpose if things change so much their old one isn't possible anymore? Can they adapt and change?

I mean I guess I can go ask URSULA?

[alienates]

I'M PRETTY SURE THAT DEPENDS ON HOW THEY'RE PROGRAMMED.
SO YOU WOULD HAVE TO ASK THE ASSHOLE WHO MADE HER ON WHAT HER LIMITATIONS ARE.
HE'S PROBABLY DEAD THOUGH SO GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
SHE PUT HERSELF IN SLEEP MODE AFTER HER LAST CREW DIED AND WOKE UP WHEN WE STARTED ARRIVING.

[onethousen]

Oh... I didn't know that's how it works. No one would be able to program her differently? It sounds like she got really sad last time.

How long ago was that?

[alienates]

WE HAVE PEOPLE WHO WORK ON HER.
DIRK IS THE LEAD PROGRAMMER ON THE BASE.
BUT IDK HOW MUCH OF HER CODING HE CAN CHANGE?

[ karkat does not actually know anything about this kind of thing even though he insists that he does. ]

A REALLY, REALLY, *REALLY* LONG TIME AGO.

[onethousen]

[ chihiro is just like. i must ask all these people with names i don't know questions.

i must figure these people out??? ]

That's... sad. For both her missing crew, and for URSULA. I wouldn't want to be lonely like that for such a long time.

[alienates]

I GUESS.
SHE'S PRETTY HAPPY NOW THOUGH.

[onethousen]

She's not alone anymore. I feel like that would make a lot of different people happier, no matter who they are.

[alienates]

SURE.
CAN WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE?
URSULA IS NOT MY FAVORITE TOPIC.

[onethousen]

Sure, okay! What do you want to talk about?