Nagito Komaeda (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
despairing_hope) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
subnautica2016-09-24 12:24 am
despairing_hope) wrote in subnautica2016-09-24 12:24 am
Video
[This is the first time Komeada has used the network to broadcast anything himself. He's smiling, though that's pretty typical for him, but there's a slight awkwardness to it.]
It would seem that by happenstance I've become a father.
[He sighs deeply, it is a rather purposeful sigh.]
I'm at a bit of a loss of what to do now though. I've been trying to look up information on how to go about it but the recourses are a bit lacking.
Biology was never really something I looked too deeply into. It seems a bit unlucky to be burdened by this so suddenly.
[He brightens at the next part though.]
However, I guess it is a rather lucky encounter to be bestowed a life to nurture!
Even though I was assaulted and insulted in the process.
[He sighs again, this one more genuine.]
Now I feel rather tired. So... yes, if someone could please help me, I don't really have enough stamina left to try and figure this out right now.
[And he does look rather drawn and tired. Paler than usual.]
[ That's when Undyne makes her grand appearance in the video feed, but not before setting off any number of crashes and explosions in the background? Did half the base just go up in flames? Sure sounds like it, but that's hardly important. Anyway... ]
What's up, buttmunches?! I'm a MOM now and if any of you losers even THINK about coming near MY egg-- [ She will fight Komaeda for it for custody!! Except not really. She'll share, just very badly, because that's Undyne. BUT EVERYONE ELSE STAY AWAY. ] --I'll make you regret it!
SO STAY AWAY FROM MY EGG!
[ A beat, and then: ] Oh! And uh... stay outta the Void, okay? It's too dangerous out there for you nerds.
It would seem that by happenstance I've become a father.
[He sighs deeply, it is a rather purposeful sigh.]
I'm at a bit of a loss of what to do now though. I've been trying to look up information on how to go about it but the recourses are a bit lacking.
Biology was never really something I looked too deeply into. It seems a bit unlucky to be burdened by this so suddenly.
[He brightens at the next part though.]
However, I guess it is a rather lucky encounter to be bestowed a life to nurture!
Even though I was assaulted and insulted in the process.
[He sighs again, this one more genuine.]
Now I feel rather tired. So... yes, if someone could please help me, I don't really have enough stamina left to try and figure this out right now.
[And he does look rather drawn and tired. Paler than usual.]
[ That's when Undyne makes her grand appearance in the video feed, but not before setting off any number of crashes and explosions in the background? Did half the base just go up in flames? Sure sounds like it, but that's hardly important. Anyway... ]
What's up, buttmunches?! I'm a MOM now and if any of you losers even THINK about coming near MY egg-- [ She will fight Komaeda for it for custody!! Except not really. She'll share, just very badly, because that's Undyne. BUT EVERYONE ELSE STAY AWAY. ] --I'll make you regret it!
SO STAY AWAY FROM MY EGG!
[ A beat, and then: ] Oh! And uh... stay outta the Void, okay? It's too dangerous out there for you nerds.
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Hinata kun, this is why you're quite amazing! No matter what, you keep hope and strive forward.
[That was one of the things he really liked about him.]
You know... I was really hoping you would kill me. Or at least someone would....
[He knew this wasn't a good topic to have right now, he knew how Hinata felt about all that. He also knew it would just remind him of what he had done in the end, but... it felt like things he had to talk about.]
I wasn't expecting to wake up....
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[He's quiet again, though the arm around the other boy's waist tightens in response to a sudden flash of anger. Anger, tempered with concern. He's still angry about what the other teen did -- did to himself, but also what Nanami had to go through. What they all had to go through, even if Hinata personally hasn't experienced it for himself. What Hanamura had to go through, being manipulated by someone like Komaeda. Abruptly, but not for the first time, he's reminded of a guilty wish that Komaeda had been killed, instead of Togami.]
You did, though. [His voice is stern, almost scolding, a hint of that anger seeping through.] You woke up in the kind of place where... where you can get help. Isn't that "luck?" Isn't that "hope?"
You were always going on about being a stepping stone for hope. Don't you think... you can think of that disease as something like that? Something you can overcome to achieve a greater "hope?"
[Maybe... he can't help but feel if he maybe puts it in the same kinds of terms Komaeda himself uses, that it'll have more of an impact.]
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[Even if he couldn't remember it, it couldn't have all been bad.]
I don't think there's much help here.
[It had been one of the first things he had looked into.]
It comes back to my question... is it better to die as who you are, or lose yourself completely?
[Even if he longed for a great hope and viewed hardship as a stepping stone, his bad luck and good luck already fed off each other. He was still practical (more or less) in his thinking and realistic in his expectations of presented facts. He had two choices, and still only had two choices. He was simply now doubting his original choice. He had lost time, and now he wanted more.]
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[Through it all, he keeps their slow, steady march toward the medbay, though the frustration is becoming even more apparent in his tone.]
There's nanites that... repair cell damage, there's... this isn't Jabberwock Island, Komaeda. We're stuck in the kind of setting you read about in science fiction! I refuse to believe that with someone with Tsumiki's skills given all this technology that she can't synthesize something. Even if a cure doesn't exist right now, there are incredible people here. They'll help you.
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[His tone was pointed and direct. He usually wasn't like this but he felt Hinata was being too fanciful and unrealistic right now. He liked the hope Hinata could hold onto, but the baseless assumption things will be this way because I want them to be was a little frustrating.]
Magic also doesn't seem particularly useful.
[Not that he actually talked to any of those people about the specific application of their magic he was looking into.]
But... I want to listen to what you're saying. My decision might have been wrong. But, I'm not sure. I don't know if I can trust changing my mind now.
[Because surly his choices made before were better choices than what he could have made now. He had somehow decided cutting off his own hand was a good choice. And he felt conflicted about a lot of things he had been quite steadfast in.]
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[His grip tightens again, almost hard enough to bruise now.]
Your thinking is too narrow. You can't just assume that things here are the same as things back home. I've seen... I've seen people who can fly, people who can teleport through walls. Mikleo's just invisible! There's ghosts and robots and a giant talking turtle.
We're in some kind of absurd parallel universe where the normal rules don't apply. So I'm not letting you give up. You've put us all through too much to get off that easy, just accepting something you think you can't change.
What decision did you make?
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You're right, I at least owe that much I suppose.
[He still didn't regret his actions, he still felt they allowed for the right direction.]
I declined treatment since dying as who you are, with a clear mind is better than dying as someone else with a muddled mind.
But you think it's better to buy time and see if there's a way to save the mind, is that it?
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[why.jpg. Hinata does let his grip relax when Komaeda leans closer, belatedly realizing that he might be hurting him. And while there's a part of him that whispers good at the idea of hurting the other teen, he forces that out of his mind, tries to stay calm. Even though his thoughts are reeling at the idea.]
It's the only option. Didn't I tell you? I'm not letting you get off that easy.
Either you talk to Tsumiki and Valentine and URSULA about treatment options, or I'll do it for you.
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[Since he declined her as well.]
But you're right Hinata kun, I have a debt to pay so I should definitely not run away!
[He turned slightly so he could almost whisper in Hinata's ear.]
If it makes you feel better you can dig your nails in, I don't really mind. You can do whatever you want to me. But, if someone is in the medbay and wants to do an exam it might be a little damning, so please be careful.
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[Hinata flinches away from the breath in his ear, almost dropping his grip on the other boy entirely.]
Oi, Komaeda! Don't mess around!
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I'm not... messing around.
[He paused a moment, calculating.]
Or maybe everything is?
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[He just fixes his gaze straight ahead rather than look at the other boy, letting his hand rest on his waist again just enough to give him support without threat of pressing too hard.]
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[There was a light laugh before shifting a little and leaning more on Hinata. It really took more effort to lie than he had right now.]
Thank you, for putting up with garbage like me.
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[He sighs, shaking his head. He's incredibly tired after dealing with all this; why is Komaeda always such a source of stress...?
Either way, he shifts to support the other's weight better and turns the corner to the medbay.]
You don't have to thank me for something like that.
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[It was polite.
Once they turned the corner for the medbay he started thinking about what he needed, in case no one was currently there.]
If we can find ferrous sulfate that should do for the moment, or darbepoetin alfa might be better for the long run. If neither iron tablets should be fine.
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[Maybe try doing something that doesn't make me question why I spend time with you...?]
Darbepoe...
[He gets tongue-tied and just doesn't even try, frowning as he glances to the other boy and leads him into the room.]
Do you know what that might look like?
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[He knew how to say it, and he might recognize it? He thought for a moment.]
I might recognize it if I saw it. I can read the word Sulfate and probably narrowing down bottles with Alfa would help.
Or! I can just pick one and go with whatever it is.
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[For as exasperated and slightly annoyed as his voice is, he's still fairly gentle as he lowers Komaeda to the closest bed. Then it's to the medicine cabinet. He can read the labels thanks to the translator, but it's still all weird medical speak to him.]
Um...
[Where's Valentine or Tsumiki when you need them...? He carefully goes through the different cabinets, finally emerging with a bottle of iron supplements. He doesn't trust himself not to grab the wrong medication, but iron supplements he can understand.]
What about this? I'm sure Tsumiki or Valentine could help you find the other ones you mentioned, but this should help some, right?
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[He holds himself back from arguing about the merits of of blind picking assuming it would just lead to frustration. Even though it was a perfectly decent way to solve things.]
They would probably not want me to administer to myself for the other two anyway.
[Though, again, he was sure everything would have been fine.]
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[Ugh. Hinata moves in to hand off the pill bottle before looking around for a cup so he can get the other some water.]
You should probably carry some of these with you when you leave the base. Just in case something like this happens again.
[And here's a cup of water. Don't die on him now.]
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[He took the bottle and shifted himself on the bed to be more securely on it.]
It would have been fine. I know how much to take. And again I'm sure nothing bad would have happened to me.
[Because luck! Though mostly because he was rather used to it.]
I'll make sure to keep them on me, though lack of iron isn't always the reason. There are good days and bad days. I probably have more bad days than I remember now is all.
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It's okay. Getting treatment... I'm sure that will help. You just have to be willing to get it.
[He crosses to a bed facing the other and pushes himself up onto it to sit and face the other boy, resting his head in his hand with more than a little exhaustion.]
I refuse to see any more of us die.
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But...
[And this is where it felt a little hard. He had spoken of these things before of course, but not in detail and then had lied about it. The truth was he still sort of wanted to lie away the entire thing, but he really couldn't bring himself to try and make that wall again.
He took this moment to take the pill fortifying himself to talk about the difficult part.]
It scares me, Hinata kun. I don't what to stop being who I understand as myself. I don't want to see those around me frustrated by change that can't be stopped. When I think about known options, the unknown is just... terrifying. Even with luck time will eventually catch up, I'm already in debt after all.
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[Hinata stays quiet, letting the other boy take his pill without pressing him for more detail yet. If Komaeda wanted to talk, he'd talk. Or he'd bring their conversation to an end and tell Hinata to leave him alone. So Hinata stays sitting there, dropping both hands to let them dangle by his knees. His posture is open, ready to listen, even if there's still hints of suspicion lining his face.
Komaeda could be lying. Messing with him, trying to come up with some kind of malicious machination that Hinata couldn't even fathom. But as much as it would be easier to dismiss everything that came out of the other boy's mouth as a total lie... this sounds too sincere.
When Hinata finally does speak again, it's not until it's clear Komaeda's not going to continue. His voice is low and quiet, tinged with uncertainty.]
You're still thinking about it all wrong, Komaeda. I'm not... saying you can't be scared of something like that. Who wouldn't be...? But... isn't you being here a kind of luck? Who knows if it's good or bad just yet, but if you think of it as bad luck, being... being trapped on an alien planet with no way of getting home... wouldn't it be natural to find a treatment here? Good luck has to come from bad. Isn't that right?
[Not... that Hinata personally believes that kind of thing exactly, but it's what Komaeda's said before. And even if he rejected it before, maybe this time... it can be somewhat comforting?]
Besides. Do you still believe in whatever "hope is sleeping inside of me?" [His tone is wry and self-deprecating, lips quirking up into a half-hearted attempt at a smile.] If I say that you being cured thanks to the proper treatment is my hope right now...?
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[And that... would definitely be bad. Even though his tone was his typical generic "happy".]
Being on this world is definitely good luck, since the simulation was most likely bad. But, perhaps I simply haven't been here long enough to think better about it.
[He pauses a moment, he was seceding in his own way.]
Perhaps if I speak with Tsumiki san more honestly she'll know what to ask and look for this time. Though... a neurologist would be more comforting to have here.
[Despite everything, despite his tone trying to stay casual and carefree like it was nothing, he could still feel a weight on him. Though, the weight might be a little lighter now. It always did feel a little better after talking to Hinata, though perhaps talking to anyone would have done, but he could never quite bring himself to reveal this much to others.]
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